Brown: Your interest and your reasons for applying

Here is the prompt for a short essay:
Tell us about the academic areas that interest you and your reasons for applying to Brown.

Here is my answer:

REMOVED

Thanks!!
:)

Revise for conciseness. This can be done by combining sentences to eliminate overlap in ideas, and by avoiding the use of the passive voice. For instance

"I am interested in international relations. I have always wanted to take a professional look at social studies. After perusing the introduction to international relations on Brown's website, I discovered that international studies were much more than I had imagined."

can be rewritten as

"Having always been fascinated by international relations, I was surprised to discover, as I perused Brown's website, that there was even more to the subject than I had realized."

This is a 25% reduction in word count. If you go through the entire essay and revise it in a similar vein, then the essay will be much stronger.

Thank you. I'll work on that. I put up this piece in a hurry, so I didn't pay much attention to this.

Here is my revision. Thanks.

I am interested in international relations and want to take a professional look at social studies. As I perused Brown's website, I discovered that international studies were much more than I had imagined. This course leads students to view the global society systematically, and I look forward to the learning process. Since my junior high years, I have been focusing much attention on current affairs, international relations and other information concerning modern politics. I hope that I will have a chance to study this area at Brown.

There are many reasons for me to apply to Brown. The moment I visited Brown's web site, I was completely captivated by the content and a desirous feeling flooded my heart. I could not help imagine, what will my life be if I can spend my future years in Brown? Setting myself in the virtual surroundings of Brown seems stimulating.

Brown's strong academics are important reasons for me to apply. GISP drew my attention at first; then I began to see the charms of the combined five-year program. The open curriculum also holds its attraction to me because of the freedom to explore under the absence of freshmen requirements.

Students' words on the website let me see diversity, openness, encouragement and support. Brown communities let students form life-long relationships. When Anya Rasulova '08 discribed her experience with the Brown community, I was deeply touched by it.

I am applying to Brown with all my enthusiam. This is the power of desires for perfection and courage to face challenges.

Just one idea:

As I perused Brown's website, I discovered that their program for international studies offered much more than I had imagined.