brief essay explaining your educational and career goals

Hi Guys,
I have another essay that I need to turn in tomorrow, Monday by noon. I am hoping that I can get a proof reading on it. I realize that it is last moment, but the inspiration only came to me Sunday evening, even though I tried to work on it for a whole week. ACC is my community college. Since they ask for a breif essay I thought to keep it around 250 words.
The topic is: Please write a brief essay explaining your educational and career goals and how ACC will help you achieve them.



I knew very little about Sonography as a career, until I discovered it in the ACC catalog, and started researching it, close to three years ago. Since then, I have come a long way, and I am rapidly approaching my graduation in December 2009, in the Echocardiography program; yet, I realize that I am just beginning to explore a whole new world of knowledge and opportunity.
My first class at ACC was mathematics with Professor Anthony Vance. During his class, math was no longer an insurmountable obstacle, but a fun, easy-to-understand science. Being successful in my very first class at ACC (with the help of Professor Vance), has given me the necessary confidence to continue and carry on through college life. My college life at ACC has also involved being invited and joining the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society. Being a member of Phi Theta Kappa has helped me grow as a person, develop my leadership skills, and most importantly, gave me the opportunity to meet and work with many wonderful people. I have recently become an elected officer, and I am waiting to assume my duties as the Phi Theta Kappa Vice President of Eastview Campus.
In researching the different areas of practice in echocardiography, I have discovered that I am particularly interested in pediatrics. Upon graduation, I plan to get the necessary training and become a registered pediatric echocardiographer, and with the excellent training that I am receiving in adult echocardiography at ACC, I believe the transition will be a smooth one.
ACC has helped me to become a life-long learner, both professionally and personally, which will enable me to grow and adapt to the ever changing aspects of my professional field.

Thank you guys for your time and effort,

FP

I moved this to its own thread, as it is a new essay.

You tend to do what I call "going comma crazy," throwing in commas all over the place. In the first sentence, the only comma necessary is the last one -- omit the other two. In the next sentence, omit the comma after 2009 and also strike the word "yet" and the comma after it.

In the next paragraph, omit the comma after the parenthetical reference to the help of Professor Vance.

Repunctuate your penultimate sentence as follows:

Upon graduation, I plan to get the necessary training and become a registered pediatric echocardiographer; and with the excellent training that I am receiving in adult echocardiography at ACC, I believe the transition will be a smooth one.

Thank you Simone for moving the thread and help. I modified according to your suggestions.

Hmmm . . . I see you've already handed this in, but here is another suggestion you might learn from:

"Being a member of Phi Theta Kappa has helped me grow as a person, develop my leadership skills, and most importantly, experience the opportunity to meet and work with many wonderful people."

Note that the verb "help" governs each item on the list "helped me grow, helped me develop, helped me experience" The original, though, had "helped me gave," which makes no sense.

can any body help me out to hav a sop for ug degree in mass communication?

Manish, to get help from others, you have to first provide feedback to two other users. Do that, and you will be able to start a new thread with your question. When you do that, be sure to use full words when saying what you need -- that will be good practice for writing whatever it is you need to write, as abbreviations and acronyms are not to be used (except in selected instances) in formal writing.

Also, when you post your new thread, try including a rough draft of whatever you can come up with in relation to your topic. It is much easier to provide useful feedback if the thread contains some attempt at writing, however rough, from the person starting the thread.