Bowdoin supplement-change world- PLEASE edit

Bowdoin is a liberal arts college that is unusually vibrant intellectually. Some students enter Bowdoin with a clear commitment to a particular course of study; others come considering a broader range of academic possibilities while seeking the intellectual path that most excites them. What all students will share is exposure to the breadth and depth the Bowdoin curriculum provides. Describe what you expect your academic journey at Bowdoin to include. (Suggested length 250–500 words.)

I walked into the unknown as I entered my third grade classroom in Nevada Elementary. This is when my academic experience began. Two weeks earlier I had just boarded a plan to San Fernando Valley, California. I was completely and utterly wrong. Students at my new elementary school did not treat me with the welcome I had expected. Isolation was my friend for a period of time because of language barrier.
So much has changed from my first academic experience in the United States. It is no longer an academic experience, but an academic journey. I am now proficient in both Arabic and English. Isolation is not an issue I face in high school. Today, I value academics and my extra-curricular activities as top priorities. I hope to continue my academic journey by attending Bowdoin. Through my difficult years in elementary school, I developed a work ethic that is with me to this day. My work ethic will be the put to the most use at Bowdoin because of the rigorous academic courses. I expect my academic journey to be diverse and enable the world to change me and for me to change the world.
Diversity will be evident in my academic journey through the variety of the courses in the field of psychology. I hope to understand the interaction of the nature vs. nurture issue with the help of Associate Professor Sam Putnam. At Bowdoin, I will have the opportunity of being the student as well as the teacher through the teaching assistantship in psychology. This will be a unique way for me to acquire teaching experience that will also help enhance my understanding of the course material. My hopes of studying social psychology and child development will be best addressed at Bowdoin more than any other institute. Through Bowdoin's education I will be "inspired to become a world citizen and leader with acute sensitivity to the social and natural worlds."
I believe Bowdoin's academic journey package includes giving back to others through its vast types of community service. The common good allows its participants to learn, serve, and lead. Service plays an important role in my life. I hope to increase the amount of service at Bowdoin. Through the common good I will be able to help change the world. Many college students participate in the party scene during spring break. Instead, I wish to be a part of Alternative Spring Break. This opportunity will enable me to broaden my horizon through helping others less fortunate than I.
I have gone a long ways from my first American academic experience; I made it into an academic journey. My academic journey has taken new heights through my high school experience. I hope to continue my academic journey at Bowdoin. My expectations of my academic journey at Bowdoin are high, but I know with the help of Bowdoin I will reach the expectations of my academic journey. The world will change me and I will change it by attending Bowdoin.


I really need help with editing, grammer, etc. Any critiques are welcome. It is exactly 500 words! Thanks for your help :)

someone please help me! I really need it.

I really liked the last sentence! I'm not sure if this was on purpose, but the repetition of the words "academic journey" seems a little awkward.
also, I think flows a little nicer with
I have come a long ways since my first American academic experience
and the first two sentences sound a little choppy.
maybe - "My academic journey began the moment I entered the unknown by crossing the threshold(spelling?) into my third grade classroom". I'm sure you can edit it to sound nicer, but I like the two sentences together.
good luck!

Thank you so much! i will be sure to take out the repitions :)
Anyone else want to give it a try? Please I need all the help i can get!

To be honest, the beginning seemed a bit rough, but in the perspective of the essay as a whole, its a creative balance. I can see your background, but at the same time, I see that you have taken the initiative of answering the prompt. Good job! Btw, Bowdoin is an excellent choice!

Okay so here is the essay I edited with your help. Is it better now? Flow, sentence structure, grammer, etc?

My academic experience began when I walked into the unknown as I entered my third grade classroom. Two weeks earlier I had boarded a plane from the United Arab Emirates to San Fernando Valley, California. Students at my new elementary school did not treat me with the welcome I had expected. Isolation was my friend for a period of time because of the language barrier.
So much has changed from my first academic experience in the United States. It is no longer an academic experience, but an academic journey. I changed my experience into a journey through my progress in school. I am now proficient in both Arabic and English. Isolation is not an issue I face in high school. Today, I value academics and my extra-curricular activities as top priorities. I hope to continue my academic journey by attending Bowdoin. Through my difficult years in elementary school, I developed a work ethic that is with me to this day. My work ethic will be the put to the most use at Bowdoin because of the rigorous academic courses. I expect my academic journey to be diverse and enable the world to change me and for me to change the world.
Diversity will be evident in my academic journey through the variety of the courses in the field of psychology. I hope to understand the interaction of the nature vs. nurture issue with the help of Associate Professor Sam Putnam. At Bowdoin, I will have the opportunity of being the student as well as the teacher through the teaching assistantship in psychology. This will be a unique way for me to acquire teaching experience that will also help enhance my understanding of the course material. My hopes of studying social psychology and child development will be best addressed at Bowdoin more than any other institute. Through Bowdoin's education I will be "inspired to become a world citizen and leader with acute sensitivity to the social and natural worlds."
I believe Bowdoin's academic journey package includes giving back to others through its vast types of community service. The common good allows its participants to learn, serve, and lead. Service plays an important role in my life. I hope to increase my participation in service at Bowdoin. Through the common good I will be able to help change the world. Many college students participate in the party scene during spring break. Instead, I wish to be a part of Alternative Spring Break. This opportunity will enable me to broaden my horizon through helping others less fortunate than I.
I have gone a long way from my first American academic experience; I made it into an academic journey. My journey has taken new heights through my high school experience. I hope to continue my academic journey at Bowdoin. My expectations of Bowdoin are high, but I know with the help of Bowdoin I will reach my expectations. The world will change me and I will change it by attending Bowdoin.

Students at my new elementary school did not treat me in the welcoming way that I had expected.

I hope to understand the interaction of nature vs. nurture with the help of Associate Professor Sam Putnam. At Bowdoin, I will have the opportunity to be the student as well as the teacher through the teaching assistantship in psychology.

I have high expectations for the experience that awaits me at Bowdoin, but I know that they will all be fulfilled as a take a proactive role while receiving a first-rate education. The world will change me and I will change it by attending Bowdoin.


Good luck in school!!!!