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Essay Forum / Undergraduate Admission Essays /

The Art Institute of Dallas admission essay

iluv_noodlesThreads: 1
Posts: 5 		 Aug 17, 09, 08:53pm   #1
I am trying to get into the Art Institute of Dallas for media arts and animation.
The prompt of the essay is to write a 300 word essay on why I want or should be chosen to be in their school. I made an outline on Word with some things my older sisters said that I should include.

I. Introduction
A. Intro of self
I got pregnant at sixteen, had to learn how to be responsible and take care of things myself. I had to grow up fast. Realized the world isn't going to wait on me to choose what and when to do something. I have to take matters in my own hands.
B. Intro of 3 reasons
II. Body
a) Why you want to attend this school
(1) Want to have a successful career in animation
(2) The school and staff seem very serious and passionate about helping their students
(3) Think it's a great opportunity to be in such school
b) Goals to accomplish
I want to gain more knowledge and become more efficient in my techniques. I want to be successful in something I love doing. Want to be able to support my son.
c) Talk about your academic goals as well as personal goals and discuss your strengths and where
(1) Certified specialist in Microsoft word, learn programs efficiently,
III. Conclusion
a. Tie 3 together
b. Part ways
c.



I know it's not a great outline.
and I need to put full sentences. But is there anything that I should include, take out or better words to use?

thanks

Christina Fennell
 
bboysmilesThreads: 1
Posts: 7 		 Aug 17, 09, 10:21pm   #2
Well I think it is a good outline, i think you should write the essay and post it here, so we can give you a better feedback. Good Luck!!! ^_^
 
EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2163 [Moderator] 		 Aug 18, 09, 07:16am   #3
Don't worry about making the outline into a sentence outline. Instead, focus on making sure all of the content you need is there. What I don't see in this outline is any reference at all to art or media. Have you been drawing or cartooning for a long time? What interests you about animation and why do you want to go into that field?

Simone, EssayForum.com
 
diana_penchevaThreads: 2
Posts: 15 		 Aug 18, 09, 10:51am   #4
Also,in addition to what others suggested, I think it will be good to make a direct reference to something specific in their program.This could be a class, an internship or a teacher, which makes their program particularly attractive to you. Possibly, research some of the professors and mention what do you like about his/her work. Tell a short story from your life, about who or what influenced you in this direction. Mention any experience that you already have in this field.

Good luck!

Diana Pencheva
 
iluv_noodlesThreads: 1
Posts: 5 		 Aug 18, 09, 01:30pm   #5
thanks for the help!
I have a better idea on what I need to do now.

Christina Fennell
 
iluv_noodlesThreads: 1
Posts: 5 		 Aug 21, 09, 11:45pm   #6
I finished typing the essay.
Does it seem okay? Is the structure or wording okay?
Should I change anything, or take or add some things?
thanks


Since I was younger, I had a great art teacher. Her name was Ms. Hoen, she taught me since kindergarten through sixth grade. She was really the one who inspired me to draw more and be creative. I can remember when I saw one of her pieces, which was a hand, and I was so amazed by all the detail and how realistic it looked. Ever since, I have been motivated to be as good of an artist as she was, or even a better one.
But something changed, I got pregnant at sixteen. I thought that everything was over for me. Having to raise a baby at such a young age, I thought that he would be my only priority, and thought that I wouldn't be able to finish high school. It turned out that I was able to pass all my classes, even my computer class where I am now a certified specialist for Microsoft Word. I am very proud of myself that I accomplished everything this year, and I am now ready for my final year; senior year.
I've heard about this school from television advertisements and off the internet. Once I read about all the classes there, I was very interested on attending The Art Institute of Dallas. I honestly was very excited about the media arts and animation class that is available. I am specifically interested in the animation category, mainly because my favorite movies to watch are Walt Disney movies. I absolutely appreciate all the work that would go into the older movies such as, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pocahontas, Tarzan, etc, and I would love to be able to create that kind of beauty.
After attending to one of the open houses, I was so ecstatic by this school. The presentations were great and the staff and teachers were very kind. Everyone seemed like they were very encouraging and passionate for the students. I felt very comfortable being in such an environment and great looking school. And I really appreciated that the school helps you find a career in the program you are in. I've also heard that some teachers hire their students to work in their studios, which I thought was pretty neat.
I believe that I can learn a lot by attending this school. I would love to be able to learn about the animation process and become more efficient in my techniques. It would also be great if I could have a successful career in something I love doing and support my son from that. That is my dream and I am willing to work hard to conquer it.

Christina Fennell
 
Llamapoop123Threads: 8
Posts: 573 [Contributor] 		Edited by: Llamapoop123  Aug 21, 09, 11:59pm   #7
iluv_noodles:
Since I was younger, I had a great art teacher.

I think that you mean to say "ever since I was a young child..."

iluv_noodles:
I can remember when I saw one of her pieces, which was a hand, and I was so amazed by all the detail and how realistic it looked. Ever since, I have been motivated to be as good of an artist as she was, or even a better one.

I'm curious. Was this your first exposure to such a realistic piece of art?

iluv_noodles:
But something changed, I got pregnant at sixteen. I thought that everything was over for me. Having to raise a baby at such a young age, I thought that he would be my only priority, and thought that I wouldn't be able to finish high school. It turned out that I was able to pass all my classes, even my computer class where I am now a certified specialist for Microsoft Word. I am very proud of myself that I accomplished everything this year, and I am now ready for my final year; senior year.

You could expand on this a little more. Make it a little more dramatic. What challenges did your pregnancy bring to you? Let the reader know the full difficulty of your situation.

You should talk about how you would be a good addition to their school.

Come to think of it, your pregnancy without expansion really has nothing to do with the topic. First you talk about how you became interested in art. This is fine. Then you throw in a pregnancy that seemingly shows your perseverence but is never really clear in its relation to the rest of your essay. Did your pregnancy dampen your dream to study art? How did you overcome it? Did you come out of that experience stronger?

Boxin Zhou
 
iluv_noodlesThreads: 1
Posts: 5 		 Aug 22, 09, 01:17am   #8
well during the pregnancy and the six weeks of school I had off, I missed a lot of school. I couldn't really finish any projects for my art class, or homework for my other classes. I guess you can say that I did come out stronger, but I don't know how to add it in.

Christina Fennell
 
LiebeThreads: 4
Posts: 689 [Contributor] 		 Aug 22, 09, 05:04am   #9
iluv_noodles:
Since I was younger, I had a great art teacher. Her name was Ms. Hoen, she taught me since kindergarten through sixth grade. She was really the one who inspired me to draw more and be creative. I can remember when I saw one of her pieces, which was a hand, and I was so amazed by all the detail and how realistic it looked. Ever since, I have been motivated to be as good of an artist as she was, or even a better one.
But something changed, I got pregnant at sixteen. I thought that everything was over for me. Having to raise a baby at such a young age, I thought that he would be my only priority, and thought that I wouldn't be able to finish high school. It turned out that I was able to pass all my classes, even my computer class where I am now a certified specialist for Microsoft Word. I am very proud of myself that I accomplished everything this year, and I am now ready for my final year; senior year.

^From the undetailed prompt you gave us, I can already say that none of this is related to the question.

iluv_noodles:
I've heard about this school from television advertisements and off the internet. Once I read about all the classes there, I was very interested on attending The Art Institute of Dallas. I honestly was very excited about the media arts and animation class that is available. I am specifically interested in the animation category, mainly because my favorite movies to watch are Walt Disney movies. I absolutely appreciate all the work that would go into the older movies such as, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pocahontas, Tarzan, etc, and I would love to be able to create that kind of beauty.

^What the Art Institute can offer you requires more depth.

Also, does your essay require a formal approach or not necessarily? If the latter is the case, then ok. If not, then I suggest revising certain parts of your essay.

'The' Faisal Pasha, Essayforum.com Contributor
 
EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2163 [Moderator] 		 Aug 22, 09, 08:19am   #10
iluv_noodles:

Since I was younger, I had a great art teacher. Her name was Ms. Hoen, she taught me since kindergarten through sixth grade.

Unless Ms. Hoen remains your art teacher, you want to say, "When I was younger, I had a great art teacher." Also the second sentence contains a comma splice. It should be split into two sentences or the comma should be replaced with a semi-colon. In the alternative, you could add the word "and" after the comma.

I disagree with Liebe about the material that he called inappropriate. You should include all of that, except the part about being a certified specialist in Microsoft Word. While I know that you are proud of that achievement, it will not help you and ought not be mentioned in the essay.

Simone, EssayForum.com
 
iluv_noodlesThreads: 1
Posts: 5 		 Aug 24, 09, 06:52pm   #11
alright, I cleaned it up and used some of your guys suggestions.
how does it sound now?

When I was a young child, I had a great art teacher. Her name was Ms. Hoen; she taught me since kindergarten through sixth grade. She was really the one who inspired me to draw more and be creative. I can remember when I saw one of her pieces, which was a hand, and I was so amazed by all the detail and how realistic it looked. This was the first time I had been exposed to such a piece of artwork other than a famous artist's. I thought that if she were able to create that, then so can I. Ever since, I have been motivated to be as good of an artist as she was, or even a better one.
But something changed, I got pregnant at sixteen. I thought that everything was over for me. Having to raise a baby at such a young age, I thought that he would be my only priority, and thought that I wouldn't be able to finish high school. I had missed more than six weeks of school and had a great challenge returning back. It was very difficult to go to class, learn everything that I have missed in the time period I was gone, and get respectable grades. Out of my hard work and determination, I was able to pass all my classes, my TAKS tests, and my ACP tests. I am very proud of myself that I accomplished everything this year, and I am now ready for my final year; senior year.
I've heard about The Art Institute of Dallas from television advertisements and off the internet. After researching on the school's website, I was very interested on attending and being educated from The Art Institute. After learning there was a media arts and animation class available, I was very excited. I am specifically interested in the animation category, mainly because my favorite movies to watch are Walt Disney movies. I absolutely appreciate all the work that would go into the older movies such as, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pocahontas, Tarzan, etc, and I would love to be able to create that kind of beauty. After attending to one of the open houses, I was so ecstatic by this school. The presentations were great and the staff and teachers were very kind. Also after having a tour and meeting with Donna Nugent made me feel more confident about this school. She gave me plenty of information about the school, what they are expecting, and competitions and scholarships that I can try out for. She and the staff seemed like they were very encouraging and passionate to help students. I felt very comfortable being in such an environment and great looking school.
I am a determined and positive person and I won't let a little problem stop me from finishing what I need to do. And by doing this, it would bring my self confidence way up. I don't want to be categorized as the stereotypical single teenage mother.
I believe that I can learn a lot by attending this school. I would love to be able to learn about the animation process and become more efficient in my techniques. I want to have a successful career in something I love doing and be able to support my son from that. That is my dream and I am willing to work hard to conquer it.

Christina Fennell
 

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