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advice for Stanford essays (a sense of intellectual vitality)


Angela629 [Contributor] 9-121  Dec 20, 08, 10:24am  #
Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an experience or an idea that you have had that you find intellectually engaging.


I watched Dracula when I was little, which guided me to the world of imagination. Even though there are no such things as vampires, I am still attracted by the way sci-fi writers think. When I learned about Biology, I was glad this is a subject which I can explore by using my imagination.

Ever since the first fire was lit, the door of wisdom has opened. Today, we have inherited fruits as well as sins from our ancestors. With all the modern technology, we are able to provide better healthcare and more comfortable lifestyle so that we can live longer, but our habitat may not be able to support us. The world is in crisis. The unprecedented weather and the loss of species are all signs of our misery. Unless we take actions in a timely manner, our home, as well as ourselves, are going to die just like these organisms did before us.

At this critical moment, we need talented people to help us solve this problem. Now in a world like this, we should seriously think about the consequences that come after we have depleted these nature resources. The only way to avoid the adverse consequences is to preserve them. In the society today, there are many people speaking out about the way we have treated Mother Nature and calling for help to solve this global crisis. Although we are in a deep trouble, we can always solve it if we have a good faith and the effective assistance. I'm optimistic about the future because I believe that with the cutting-edge technology and bright scientists, we will be leading our way to a better world rather than the destruction of our species.


Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your freshman roommate to know about you? Tell us something that will help your roommate and us to know you better

My freshman year at Stanford, the student guide said, I met 2 dormmates who were unlike each other in every way except their love of The Red Sox. At first, they got along only during the games and despised each other. Interestingly, after graduation, they were best friends and shared apartment. At that moment, I realize that even if nobody likes me elsewhere, I still can find my friends here at Stanford, where you are always part of the community.

First thing to know about me is my extrovert personality. When I was 5, my mother took me to learn dancing to consume my excessive ATPs. After mastering this skill, I became more extrovert for I started to entertain others. I always like to be part of the community, embrace the new culture and system whenever entering a new place because I don't like to be isolated or alone.

However, blending in means changing part of me. When I'm tired of being in the whirlwind of society, I would like to spend a moment just being myself. When I was in the UAE, I always took time off during weekends to watch movies with Mariam, my best friend. We enjoyed ourselves despite of the fact that we laughed so loud that people were staring at us.

Moreover, I'm independent in daily life. During my time in the boarding school, I learned how to manage and take care of myself. Before I went to the school, the daily chores were done by others, which are now all on my shoulder. Nevertheless, I didn't regret coming to this school to have the chance to experience living independently, which helps me shape the person I am today.

I'm looking forward to meeting my new best friends and hope that he/she will appreciate my sense of adventure. I can't wait to tell them about my adventure in the desert, struggling with figure skating, exotic theory about vampires and so much more.


Hi there, I thought my intellectual vitality one is kind of "too" common, is it? can someone suggest how can i improve? I thought maybe rewritten is needed.

Angela Wang, EssayForum Contributor
 
EF_Kevin [Moderator] 2-3974  Dec 20, 08, 12:38pm  #
I watched Dracula when I was little, and it guided me into the world of imagination.

When I learned about biology, I was glad this enabled me to explore by using my imagination.

I'm optimistic about the future because I believe that, with cutting-edge technology and bright scientists, we will be leading our way to a better world rather than the destruction of our species.





During my freshman year at Stanford, the student guide said, I met two dormmates who were unlike each other in every way except their love of The Red Sox.

When that happened, I realized that even if nobody likes me elsewhere, I still can find my friends here at Stanford, where you are always part of the community.

When I was five, my mother took me to learn dancing to consume my excessive ATPs.

I'm looking forward to meeting my new best friends at [name of school] and hoping that they will appreciate my sense of adventure. I can't wait to tell them about my adventure in the desert, struggling with figure skating, exotic theory about vampires and so much more.

These errors are minor. You write quite well, and I think you seem very thoughtful.

Kevin, EssayForum.com
 
Angela629 [Contributor] 9-121 Edited by: Angela629  Dec 20, 08, 01:02pm  #
Hi, can someone help me with my other stanford essay as well?

Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

Stanford is a world renowned university and has always been one of my dream destinations to receive a higher education. I'm fond of the school because what Stanford offers is just right for me. Stanford is the place for people to truly discover who they are, and where everyone feels being part of the community.

Stanford is well known for its unique and diverse group of people who are innovative and creative. This is why Stanford is one of the best U.S universities. It digs talented people and shapes them into golden experts. I'm attracted not only by the curriculum but also by the opportunities offered. Accompanied with all the brilliant professors and modern technology, I'll be immersed with ample chances to develop myself. The school also offers study abroad programs specially designed for students to explore on their own and discover the world.

Another reason for me to choose Stanford other than academics is the campus environment. A student once told me that she chose Stanford because it's the place that can provide her with warmth. I really hope that when I become a student at Stanford, I will be able to fit into this community. Even though I have lived in two different countries and can speak three different languages, I still think I won't fit into those societies very well. This is because I don't want to compromise myself when blending into a new environment or limit myself when embracing a new culture. The truth seems ironic: When I didn't live up to their expectation, they weren't pleased. When I tried my best to succeed, they tell me not to try too hard. I have chosen Stanford because I wish that one day I can have a home away from home, a place where I can be who I am and explore the way I want to with no limitations bounded to my wings.

And this is the revised version for the roommate essay:

During my freshman year at Stanford, the student guide said, I met 2 dormmates who were unlike each other in every way except their love of The Red Sox. At first, they got along only during the games and despised each other. Interestingly, after graduation, they were best friends and shared apartment. At that moment, I realized that even if nobody likes me elsewhere, I can still find my friends at Stanford, where you are always part of the community.
I always like to be part of the community, embrace the new culture and system whenever entering a new place because I don't like to be isolated or alone. Since 5, my mother took me to learn dancing to consume my excessive ATPs. After mastering this skill, I became more extrovert for I started to entertain others. However, blending in means changing part of me. When I'm tired of being in the whirlwind of society, I would like to spend a moment just being myself. When I was in the UAE, I always took time off during weekends to watch movies with Mariam, my best friend. We enjoyed ourselves despite of the fact that we laughed so loud that people were staring at us.
Moreover, I'm very independent in daily life. During my time in the boarding school, I learned how to manage and take care of myself. Before I went to the school, the daily chores that were done by others are now all on my shoulder. Nevertheless, I didn't regret coming to this school to have the chance to experience living independently, which helps me shape the person I am today.
I'm looking forward to meeting my new friends at Stanford and hoping that they will appreciate my sense of adventure. I can't wait to tell them about my adventure in the desert, struggling with figure skating, exotic theory about vampires and so much more.

Thanks for any comments, greatly appreciated

Angela Wang, EssayForum Contributor
 
EF_Kevin [Moderator] 2-3974  Dec 20, 08, 02:35pm  #
Stanford is a world-renowned university and has always been one of my dream destinations to receive a higher education. I'm fond of the school, because what Stanford offers is just right for me. Stanford is the place for people to truly discover who they are, and where everyone feels like part of the community.

Stanford is well known for its unique and diverse group of innovative, creative people. This is why Stanford is one of the best universities in the United States. It digs talented people and shapes them into golden experts. I'm attracted not only by the curriculum but also by the opportunities offered. Accompanied by brilliant professors and empowered by modern technology, I'll be immersed with ample chances to develop myself. The school also offers study abroad programs specially designed for students to explore on their own and discover the world.

Another reason for me to choose Stanford other than academics is the campus environment. A student once told me that she chose Stanford because it is the place that can provide her with warmth. I really hope that, when I become a student at Stanford, I will be able to fit into this community. Even though I have lived in two different countries and can speak three different languages, I still feel concerned that I may not fit into those societies very well. This is because I do not want to compromise myself when blending into a new environment or limit myself when embracing a new culture. The truth seems ironic: When I didn't live up to their expectation, they were not pleased; when I tried my best to succeed, they tell me not to try too hard. I have chosen Stanford because I wish that one day I can have a home away from home, a place where I can be who I am and explore the way I want to live with no limitations or reservations.

You cannot have "limitations bounded to your wings," so I changed that. Good luck, they will accept you for sure!!

:)

Kevin, EssayForum.com
 
yee 7-57  Dec 30, 08, 06:51pm  #
This essay is definitely polished, so, I don't think I can give much constructive criticism. Well, I was just wondering if you wouldn't mind reading my essay and giving your thoughts on it b/c its due in two days and quite frankly, I'm still skeptical about its quality. Here is the link and thank you very much :) : essayforum.com/2_4950_0.html

Han Joo
 

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