Academic Community at UPenn

What are a few examples of Academic communities at UPenn

What are a few examples of social communities at UPenn

I ask this to get a general idea of what to write about in my essay...I am very interested in Model United Nations and I would like to write that under "Academic Community" not sure if it fits?

i think they want an essay on what they offer at UPenn, and how you would fit into any one of these communities

dbl check tho... I could be wrong

A model UN certainly fits. And it doesn't matter, anyway, because once you have been an adult for a while you realize that the admissions people and the prof's and administration are all just human, so it's like... those kind of semantics are just as ambiguous to them as they are to us.

Google anything you find confusing:
communities at UPenn is what I googles, and I go tthis: sp2.upenn.edu/student_life/support.html

I think it is GREAT that you are going to give specific examples of communities you would like to join at the school. that is the kind of thing that lets them know you are really serious. All details help.

thank you for your reply. I applied to UPenn however, this was my essay to them. If i dont get in ED to Penn, i am thinking of using this format however I will obviously change the details. What do you think of this essay? Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

As Benjamin Franklin has said "A man wrapped up in himself, makes a very small bundle". Since the establishment of the University of Pennsylvania in 1740, the university, and its founder, has always advocated the teaching of knowledge beyond the traditional boundaries of education. One of the ways this has been achieved is through the plethora of academic and social communities made available by the University of Pennsylvania.

The idea of high school students coming together from around the globe to save the world in 96 hours or less has always captivated my interest. Of all the academic communities that currently comprise this university, University of Pennsylvania Model United Nations is what I hold the greatest passion for. Having four years of familiarity with Model UN, I cannot wait to experience the thrill of hosting a conference as a Penn undergrad. The rush of excitement achieved through skydiving, bungee jumping or any other daredevil activity, shoots through my veins as I interact with Ethiopia on their view of malnourishment as a maturing problem. I believe that a simulated United Nations experience is as stimulating and essential as a college education. Not only does Model UN build an awareness of worldwide conditions, but it also makes students fill the roles of ambassadors and makes them strive to solve global predicaments. As a veteran delegate, I not only bring the experience and leadership earned from having participated in many national and international conferences, but also innovative ideas to incorporate into future conferences held by the University of Pennsylvania. In addition, I believe that if not everyone, at least the Penn community can incorporate the ideals of Model UN in their daily lives by striving to implement a mission of service to abet the impoverished in Philadelphia. Having witnessed the brutality of poverty in North Philadelphia during a community service project, I believe we, as individuals of Penn's community, hold a moral and ethical responsibility to improve conditions in neighboring districts. In addition to the efforts of current Penn students, I hope to spark further interest in Model UN and community service as a future Quaker.

In addition to the academic communities at Penn, I hold great interest in involving myself in the arts. Having pursued violin for nine years, Indian classical dance (Bharatanatyam) for four years and theater arts for three, I have built an innate affinity to the arts. An affinity which I look to pursue as an undergraduate at the University Of Pennsylvania. Specifically, Violin is a special activity to me and one which I consider very seriously; if accepted, I hope to partake in the Penn Symphony Orchestra for four years during my tenure at the University of Pennsylvania. I was delighted to learn that a few of the pieces Penn's orchestra performed in the past included: Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake, Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition and Shubert's Symphony no. 7 in b minor, pieces I have acquainted myself with through my musical studies. In addition, I yearn to experience the thrill of learning under the direction of Dr. Brad Smith and hope to improve my skill as a player and my ability as musician. While taking in all Penn has to offer, I also hope to contribute my years of learning to the community around me. In addition to offering my strong musical skills, I will also display the leadership and confidence I have gained through my study of music. Also, having lived in two countries and having moved several times in my life, I hope to add to the cultural and ethnic diversity of the University Of Pennsylvania as a whole. The strongest assets I contribute to the University of Pennsylvania and its affiliated communities, however, are my ability to learn through adversity and my rebound to setbacks.

In conclusion, while I hope to learn a great deal from my experiences at the University of Pennsylvania, I also hope to contribute to its campus and partake in its strive for excellence at all levels.

any feedback please?

"A man wrapped up in himself, makes a very small bundle". Since the establishment of the University of Pennsylvania in 1740, the university, and its founder, has always advocated the teaching of knowledge beyond the traditional boundaries of education.

{The Franklin quote here is a bit misplaced, but you could save it for the end if you want....also you sound like Amy Gutman giving a convocation address, remember that you're a prospective student, not the residing president of the university.} If you really want to start off the essay like this though, one suggestion is as follows:

While I know the University of Pennsylvania has always been commitment to embracing the interdisciplinary nature of human existence through its varied and rich academic programs, no where do I find this unique spirit of inquiry embodied more than in Penn's Model United Nations.


The idea of high school students coming together from around the globe to save the world to engage in ideas that matter has always captivated my interestme. Of all the academic communities that currently comprise this university, University of Pennsylvania Model United Nations is what I hold the greatest passion for. Having four years of familiarity with Model UN, I cannot wait to experience the thrill of the possibility of hosting a conference as an undergraduate can be likened to the rush of excitement felt through skydiving, bungee jumping, or any other daredevil activity requiring......{maybe describe this emotion in a way that can be parlayed into the intellectual excitement that a Model UN conference provides for you} shoots through my veins as I interact with Ethiopia on their view of malnourishment as a maturing problem. {same thing here, your passion for the Model UN is obvious, but you come off as some kind of adrenaline junkie to me....I'm not sure if I would exactly want you presiding at a "real" UN meeting for fear that you might be bouncing around the room like acrobats in a circus show...... lest you prove me otherwise.....}


I believe that a simulated United Nations experience is as stimulating and essential as a college education.{again, repetitive and reflected of a druggie needing another daily fix, you can omit this sentence....} Not only does Model UN build an awareness of worldwide conditions, but it also makes students fill the roles of ambassadors and makes them strive to solve global predicaments.{Global predicaments and an awareness of worldwide conditions, NOW you're getting somewhere.....go in depth here, use your experiences to describe to the reader some of these important issues you hold dear, and how you might plan to address them in the future both in the context of your ec activities and within your general core education...by doing this, you will have removed the triteness of the ensuing sentence......}

As a veteran delegate, I not only bring the experience and leadership earned from having participated in many national and international conferences, but also innovative ideas to incorporate into future conferences held by the University of Pennsylvania.
{by doing what I mentioned above, you will not need this.}


In addition, I believe that if not everyone, at least the Penn community can incorporate the ideals of Model UN in their daily lives by striving to implement a mission of service to abet the impoverished in Philadelphia. Having witnessed the brutality of poverty in North Philadelphia during a community service project, I believe we, as individuals of Penn's community, hold a moral and ethical responsibility {moral and ethical, same thing} to improve conditions in neighboring districts.
{Good....although if you can avoid the use of "we", this section could be better...}


In addition to the efforts of current Penn students, I hope to spark further interest in Model UN and community service as a future Quaker. {repetitive....}


Good essay, but in many areas, you are saying the same thing only in different words. Good theme, but poor execution and not enough substance/depth and a bit cliche.... I enjoyed reading it though and I think you could implement Ben's quote more effectively.....All the best and hope this helps a bit!

thankyou for your very insightiful feedback!! if only i posted by essay here before the ED deadline -_-

Haha....sorry to hear that. Don't worry about it though, you'll be fine. These are just suggestions and opinions at best. And I actually made a mistake because I revised your first paragraph only.....didn't even see the second one above...bad eyesight I guess....I need bifocals......it's a lot better and I think you have a great chance.....If they don't accept you, you can always try again next year or find a better college. If they do accept you, you can take these suggestions and throw them back at me in triumph while laughing all the way to locust walk......Best of luck to you and I hope you get in.