Undergraduate Admission Essays

I guess you need to tell more about how you love music and art and why.... »»

Many financially disadvantaged students from low income families are eligible, but I am distinguished by.... I... »»

With relatively superior height and... the finishing line, and I never failed to embarrass... or...... »»

I suggest a semi-colon: Fantasy has always been an inspiring source of inspiration for my mind; and... »»

Ha ha, enjoy it!!! »»

....you may ask for some advice form your parents and your advisors, but in the end it... »»

Fix this: knowwledge Spelman is an outstanding, historically Black college dedicated to African-American women who... »»

Yes, invoke images when you write! And yes, "despite" is good. »»

You will do well if you give examples of the resources, professors, and programs that interest you... »»

Wonderful essay! Perhaps stretch the end of the essay more. Write more on about how you are... »»

in my opinion, i think its necessary that you mention your korean. you sorta just leave the... »»

Thanks you three, I'll get to tweaking my first statement »»

The answer to that question comes from looking at topic sentences. When people read the essay, they... »»

thank you all so much...i will revisit it... »»

My mother began to cry, and my father silently bowed his head; and I realized this trip... »»

:]] thankyouuu »»

Dreams and aspirations are shaped by the world surrounding us, including people's teachings. How about that?... »»

Jonathon, thanks!! That helps me a lot. If I were a student applying to college,... »»

Sounds good. Think about this is a potential structure: Intro (keep your current intro--perhaps eliminate the... »»

I don't have much advice for you as far as your essay structure goes, but I wanted... »»

Thank you guys for the great advice (: Will revise ASAP »»

Yes, that's right, individualism is a little different. It is too general, so how about instead... »»

Enduring this process, I believe, has made me a better person. ----> I bet you are right!!... »»

The Locket.... "Take it Bilal. It's yours". Those were the... »»

Hmm.. that's actually a great idea, I was always fascinated with Social Dwarwism and now that I... »»

Thank you so much for the feedback. It is definitely more fluent. »»

I agree with all the previous comments. Even if you feel nervous about submitting such a personal... »»

My main thought is that your conclusion is too high level, too broad. I want to get... »»

Love this essay. One quick little grammatical correction (and this is just my opinion, feel free to... »»

My first impression of your essay was defined by the second word that you chose: aberrant. It... »»

Thank you so much for your reply! I will definantly get to work on that. =)... »»

The essay is good in that the ideas conveyed are interesting, but the language needs to be... »»

redsox34: This prompt makes it difficult to write in a way that would capture the reader.... »»

(Response to introversion suggestion). Well actually I didn't prefer to be alone I was just to shy... »»

I liked this essay immensely. Usually people write about what they have learnt about diversity by interacting... »»

Thank you for that. »»

You know, some people's writing styles are much like research papers. I think it is okay, and... »»

Hi Amy, Please go help a few other people, especially those who seem to be... »»

I think its a fairly decent essay actually. Some work can be made on it to strengthen... »»

The reason I am writing about it is because I am planning on going there to become... »»

Only 2 sentences in your entire essay answered the prompt (italicized below.) Please re-read the prompt especially... »»

Thank you very much Sammiepuddle and Kevin!!! »»

using a specific example may be better... n the rest was mentioned....see above... »»

well..just like Kerfuffin said, i think u should focus on "what i have done for this major"... »»

It may sound stereotypical, but from my four years of my high school, I've known quite a... »»

I hesitate to change anything, because this really expresses your personality so well... If you were... »»

Hey Jonathan Truly thanks for your comments. Yeah, I am just confused about how to stand out... »»

Yeah.. I agree with Kevin. However I think it might be better if you just lose the... »»

i wish i had read the last two comments before i submitted my apps. DX well, its... »»

good essay! it would be better though if you described the world you come from: your home,... »»

I was born into a time of war and odd experiences, and I faced high standards set... »»

Definately stay away from the "it", people may take it thw rong way. »»

Thanks so much! That really helped me a lot! I appreciate it! »»

College is a huge step in life with challenges to overcome and a new atmosphere. Which college... »»

Good questions, it depends on the circumstances. If you are submitting via an online form, I... »»

Well, about the feedback, I saw some great feedback you gave, too. I am just in the... »»

Great job. In the first paragraph, you sound like all work and no creativity. You... »»

Awesome! I like how you connected it to college at the end, great ideas. I wonder... »»

Thanks, Rebecca, for those corrections! I mean When I was born, I was just as accomplished... »»

Hey, I don't know why, but this just doesn't jump out. The topic is good, but... »»