Undergraduate Admission Essays

Oh I see, (about the federal money issue). Makes more sense now, but I still think it's... »»

Thanks so much for your editing support. »»

Alright, THANK YOU! I shall fix it up »»

Here is my suggestion: "Neomuneomu meotjyeo nuni nuni busyeo!" sang Danny as we walked down the... »»

"In a sort of" {you could omit this} letters, lines(,) and shapes as ideas steadily poured... »»

Education was something my parents always stressed. especially on me. I had to work extremely hard in... »»

first suggestion is, try listening to some music as you write. this may make the sentences flow... »»

^^ thank you very much for your idea »»

Yes, as Kevin said - perhaps something more about your personality, using Sudoku as a base -... »»

Yes, that is beter. I like sentences with no comma! They are swift and forthright. »»

Just some thoughts.... Everyone has someone who has an impact on his/her life. I would cut... »»

...living as alternatives to farming. The number of abandoned fields are increasing, year after year. This scene... »»

Really?! Eric, thanks for explaining that to me about the absence of serial comma in UK English.... »»

Right here you switch verb tense in a way that messes it up a little: The bookcase... »»

If I were to generalize my take on life, I can say that it is filled with... »»

This does not really work: My world has shaped me into ... what I want to become.... »»

Hi there, Nice essays! I agree with Susan. I think Example 2 is stronger--Example... »»

Hi there, Nice work on both essays, I love your angles and the groundwork that you've... »»

Awesome, thanks for the quick answer, xit9zangel. »»

Might be better without "us." ...the power to inform, inspire, and enlighten. Comma: Majoring in, studying... »»

...play as quietly as you've... So, we took it slowly. I would count off the...... »»

Thanks a lot. »»

Your first sentence is just a generalization and your own personal opinion. How do you know the... »»

Sometimes I use a set of dashes to make complex sentences more manageable for the reader's attention:... »»

Haha....sorry to hear that. Don't worry about it though, you'll be fine. These are just suggestions and... »»

I found something else: I take special interest in the... Yes, you write with nice rhythm.... »»

Thank you both so much! And I sure hope they want me as a student... I... »»

Thanks becca!!! You too! »»

The metaphor is great! This is coming out well, but there's a spelling mistake... like peeling an... »»

thank you very much »»

Hello! This is looking great, but the first thing I thought of while reading it was... »»

My best teacher was my ESL teacher, Paul Thomas. His class was fun and interesting. He was... »»

Nov 9, 09, 05:56pm - Attached on merging: UC Essay #2-My kumdo tournament Tell us... »»

Can you find out the person's name instead of writing "Directors of Admissions of California State University... »»

will achieve nothing without being well-trained in the basics." His words smashed my dream. I could... »»

Yes indeed! And you have a lot to offer, because the writers of essays cannot see their... »»

Hi David, Thanks for sharing such a personal topic with us. I think you've done some... »»

Here are a couple more thoughts for you: First Essay kuds: Being apart of a work... »»

Like far too many children in today's society,>>>How about "Like many children in today's society, ? (I... »»

@ Faisal P..Liebe...THanx for ur valuable contribution ...:) @ Kevin...mate ...thats really unique...thanx for the wonderful... »»

Thank you so much Kevin! :) »»

Seemed like a flower died and underneath the flower, it had transform to the squash.----> This sentence... »»

However, it was not until recently that I realized I wanted to make music -- and, more... »»

Being among my brothers, I could talk to many of their friends -- students with varying majors... »»

"artery gone array" - gone awry "my brothers loose the many opportunities" - should be "lose"... »»

I think it might be good to split that long first paragraph into two. At... »»

Yes, it's hard when they give you a topic like this and challenge you to write about... »»

One rule for good, powerful writing, is to avoid using the passive voice. That just means... »»

When you write a sentence like this, with the name as an "extra" phrase, you should use... »»

You definitely have a point Mitch. Or they could be like "the guy is applying to the... »»

Excellent! Only a couple of things... Did you mean to say this > "By a brink... »»

Hi Justin, I think this is a very thoughtful short essay. I love how you talk... »»

Thanks guys your ideas really helped. »»

I love your essay. ;] Reallie. :D And more focus on your desire of being a psychologist... »»

Thank You all for the suggestions. thnx sooo much . really it is very nice of u... »»

hehe, hao chang de wen zhang ..... wo jue de ...zuo wei why essay, you dian tai... »»

Thank you Kevin. I hope so, too! I like this forum, congrats. Hava a great day!... »»

My only comment - you have not touched upon the second part of the prompt - how... »»

Thanks! Really appreciate your comments. I'll work more on these. »»

Technically, you are not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition: I can still remember... »»