Undergraduate Admission Essays

Any more feedback? T.T »»

Thank you for your corrections ! »»

I knew I set off on the wrong foot with this one. Thanks a lot. I will... »»

Although taking initiative may cause troubles, it is worthwhile. [Make this first sentence more clear. Do you... »»

It's not too personal. It's quite good in that regard, actually. I'd do something about the order... »»

This is much more interesting to read. A definite improvement. The excitement now comes from your own... »»

Here is a revision, again for grammar. You might want to continue to work on creating stronger... »»

I'd say you need to add a bit more background. What made you think that an English... »»

Thanks! »»

At UPenn, there are a lot of highly qualified professors from whom I look forward to learning.... »»

Hi, the only error I found was that you need a comma after lunchtime" : It... »»

As my body poised for yet another stroke, I would feel incredibly lucky- this is canoeing; this... »»

kikozang, I get it!!! Thanks for the clarification! I guess I thought you were making... »»

I had been to Boston several times before, but I especially anticipated this visit because I was... »»

The word "drawer" is a little awkward. I would changed the sentence to: I am... »»

Thank you very much for your help guys. I wanna know if i really need to cut... »»

Here is some more help: Walking to and from school, I could observe many stores being... »»

This sentence could be eliminated, or you could fix it as follows: In the past decades, the... »»

Well, if they set no word limit, the choice is yours! I always would take it... »»

There are certain things that I care a lot about, such as family, friendship, school, and sports.... »»

Thanks!! I appreciate youR help, A LOT (: prl »»

Yes, thank you for your comments. This version had some mistakes, now with your thought I was... »»

Hi, Thank you all, I have taken note of all the important points of correction... »»

I'll double check his title. Great, thanks for the help! »»

Thank you very much Kevin and Sean for your suggestions. »»

Thanks, Mihir! ^___^ I've just edited. Please help me review it. Can I really submit this?... »»

the reasons you like one college are not necessarily all related to academics. You can look beyond... »»

Ellsa, I havent heard of such a thing but what i will encourage you is to... »»

thank you once again! »»

Thanks for the comments (: »»

Thanks very much. »»

Yes, I think this covered everything! I also want to mention that in my... »»

Oh, I understand! Okay, just checking about that... :) »»

Thank you I'll consider to answer those questions in my response :) »»

Great advice from joshua, thanks!! I thought they were all just splattered ink on a parched... »»

Firstly, I have learnt to deliver my ideas clearly and support my position with facts and statistics.... »»

thank you for your help Kevin :) »»

I'll add one more suggestion: This sounds almost like it is not YOUR interest to pursue... »»

Yes, you write without errors. None that I saw, anyway. I think you could improve... »»

Just some corrections for this last paragraph: I believe that by joining the University of... »»

Good catch iddqd !!!! »»

Here is one more: It is in Mandarin, so for once she did not need anyone... »»

Thanks joshua for helping jusanglee!! I could not understand a thing, and I had... »»

Well, let's thread it together with the physician theme: As a High school senior with aspirations... »»

This image of the boy scratching out letters is powerful. Perhaps it deserves a little more description:... »»

Well, it is no surprise that you can write in a meaningful way, because even though your... »»

Commas: Serious topics, like atomic physics or medieval art styles, were usually... Also: They... »»

For the first one, check out this for inspiration: webtools.delmarlearning.com/sample_chapters/076682536 1_ch01.pdf For this part, I took... »»

Try starting like this: I have always been a passionate drawer and painter. or:... »»

Yes, they do indeed hold my interest! That is hard to do with this sort of... »»

How about using two different paragraphs? That would make it like two little essays. The second... »»

This first line does not realy help you, so I guess you should eliminate it and get... »»

hey thanks for your help.. ill revise it »»

david how do i hit the nail on the head. please help me i want to stand... »»

Thanks a lot for your suggestion. I really appreciate it! »»

Thank you! I was worried that it would be a bit difficult to follow. Back to the... »»

Well, from a fellow peer's perspective, I think the first one is a lot more revealing to... »»

Thanks, I actually thought it was kind of off-topic, but now is too late, I already submit... »»

Thank you sean :) I made the changes and expanded the 'how' part »»

I could easily find an answer to the question. Fix: I was finally able to find... »»