Undergraduate Admission Essays

Sorry Kevin, I have actually changed the content. Do you prefer the former entry? Thanks for... »»

thanks for the help! and the compliment! »»

thank you »»

><,thaqnk you for your points. and I am wondering the essay I wrote seems near the following... »»

I think overall you have a good essay going here and my only advice is to keep... »»

Thanks for your helpful suggestions. Anyone else? »»

Fairly good overall. A couple of revised sentences for you: "Many are familiar with the concept... »»

Okey.. here's the proof: Book: ''Esssays that will get you into college'' , Essay number... »»

Thanks Kevin :) Any more comments or suggestions? »»

Thanks. I'm gonna use it. Thank you for your comment. »»

Yes, it is true that watching videos online and studying the website give you plenty of understanding,... »»

This short story is about one of my friends. I've been with this friend for a long... »»

Yes, you are right. Big, fat lie. :) And besides, one person's safe is... »»

By gaining leadership experiences and a lesson in community service, I will make my life more meaningful.... »»

My father, like many fathers before him, wanted his son to be rich and famous -- a... »»

Well, it is true that the "experience" you are describing is not clearly pinpointed. Add one... »»

hello everybody...this is my revised version of the essay...I changed my approach to the topic and tried... »»

Well, you do write quite well, and your long sentences are not run-on sentences. it is... »»

The professor whom I'd most like to study under would be Dr. Franklin Allen. As a major... »»

Thanks for the input. Can anyone else offer some suggestions/corrections? »»

Thanks all your guys...suggestion accepted.. Yes, i am from China and English is my second language.. »»

Thanks for your comments guys but i'm kinda limited on space. I'm only allowed 1000 characters and... »»

Oh, that's a good idea! I'm definitely going to do that, thanks for the suggestion! »»

Your welcome. Well since Kevin commented on it and he's way better than I am, i dont... »»

My first impression of him was that he was tough and old. He had gray hair and... »»

I agree that this will turn heads! "Never hurt anyone or anything in any way. Animals... »»

What was that glow that kept my eyes from opening when I walked into the gym? Of... »»

Just one idea: As I perused Brown's website, I discovered that their program for international studies... »»

Wow, that is good advice, too. Well, keep all of that in mind, and proceed with... »»

charliesun: Finally, the abbreviation of my name is CLS, and the abbreviation of Sarah Lawrence College is... »»

I was in choir of Crescent Girls' School during grades 9 and 10. I participated in it... »»

By dictionary definition, I am in a cult. Every Sunday, my family and I cleanse our souls... »»

Growing up, I was usually secluded from society by my parents. However, instead of letting this obstacle... »»

This is essay B agen, though completely different from my first attempt, please proofread. Does it... »»

oh getitlow, it's nice to learn that you're from VN. Me too. »»

Can someone please help me to check the corrected essay? (kinda urgent) Thanks a lot. »»

Try taking a look at the minority percentages at your college, if you are a minority group.... »»

Grammatical revisions: "Small tasks such as moving boxes or packing documents are just as important as... »»

I agree with Sean. You need to show detail but at the same time make it... »»

"I can constantly challenge myself." Defeat isn't quite the right word in the original. "A moment's... »»

Well, for the first one: "Chinese education is wrongly viewed as consisting mostly of theoretical, rather than... »»

Yes, but the problem is that business at Penn isn't something you can't get anywhere else. In... »»

Wonderful essay. I love the imagery you use and the way you conveyed your passion. Great job... »»

Well i actually used a rap song for my NYU talent show response. Handlebars by Flobots. Its... »»

Alright. I think I'll reword my essay then. Thanks. :) »»

thanks sooo much... yeah for the second one im just answered the first part so far. »»

Thanks :). Feel free to check the FAQ section or the EssayForum Contributors page for more information.... »»

It's the reflection that's more important than the details, it's great! :) »»

I had always thought that one was either good at art or not, naturally; however, my artistic... »»

Thanks a lot guys , that really helped ! »»

One point that I wish to bring to the attention of those who consider my application is... »»

It could work out okay if you expand the meaning by concluding with a revision of that... »»

Yes, don't misunderstand my criticism, it is a knockout! Just make that slight change. »»

Oh... yes, I prefer the first one, I guess, but they are both good! Sometimes you... »»

Nope, that means to surround something. You are trying to say that is .. maybe... pierced... »»

She was a great presence in my life, without ever having been physically present. Commas:... »»

Here is a fix for the ending: Business is the heart of my academic and professional... »»

Better to write out the numbers, so it looks nice: I was presiding at piano in... »»

wow~ It is really helpful for me! I didn't know that I can find this great helper... »»

Any more feedback? T.T »»