Undergraduate Admission Essays

This is a very great essay! I really think that the content is very well organized, and... »»

My parents always tell me that hard work and persistent efforts will pay off and that I... »»

i really like your piece of writing . Your writing surly reflects your love for environment but... »»

linmark: m I totally off the mark and miss your "creativity" in making the graduation ceremony a... »»

Writing about how you developed over time (i.e. reflected in specific aspects of the commute that evolved... »»

:-) Yep, if people help 2 others for every essay they post, this place will be... »»

thanks kevin, I have been trying my best to eliminate all vagueness. It going in layers!... »»

It's ok I sent the wrong version of my essay off to a few schools,and I just... »»

alina967: In our community, we see so many people who always come forward to help the helpless... »»

Cantaloupe has more nutritional value than many other fruits. You should try to enjoy it. :-)... »»

...but promised the little boy was safe. (right here, do a paragraph break) Start a new... »»

Adjectives weaken sentences: Many people all over the world dream of heavenly love, incredible richness or gorgeous... »»

Here is a part where you should be more specific: ...was my love for helping others.... »»

Hey, I noticed the same thing right away. You tried to include too many details in that... »»

I totally agree with Christie. Focusing on one point would make your essay logically coherent. You... »»

Thank you all so much! I have re-done this whole essay and will post it up. I... »»

^^ good advice thanks a lot »»

Hey! Thanks a lot for your feedback. I agree with what you said, I also thought maybe... »»

I like the way you capture the readers attention, but i think that this might fall under... »»

Much of your writing reflects a very clear, sensible way of thinking. Some of it is very... »»

This is really nice. You write with a noticeable kind of simple honesty. I want... »»

If this is for a scholarship, you have to be clever about earning it. I say... »»

nakulisbrown: working as a paid student technician for Lawrence Township's District Media Center. Great! You... »»

You are not completely without structure for making a strategic decision. You know something about what... »»

cpeel12: eternal recurrence I like it! Many people, through meditation, have come to intuit ideas... »»

[b]Ok,here is the revised essay if [b]... »»

Discipline enabled me to stand my ground and counterattack, even though human nature tells me to retreat... »»

I like it! You did some great revision. Watch out for this in the first part: wishthatthat... »»

Hanna, you should read Stephen King's On Writing, and see what he says about killing your adverbs!... »»

School alone was not enough to shape my life for the future, so I had to take... »»

Oh, I just actually came to the same insight liebe came to about the first few lines.... »»

You might want to add a few... more specific examples of Ukrainian culture that you embrace.... »»

I like to trim out the unnecessary phrases: Monkeys screeching, exotic birds chirping -- my early morning... »»

...at least once in their lives, I, an aspiring artist, also come across moments when the blank... »»

Thanks for everything Kevin! »»

I think you are supposed to capitalize Internet. The ending is a bit abrupt... you write:... »»

Thanks for your suggestion, In my next essay I wil concentrate on task, which I am wrriting.... »»

The first response is a little formal, you want to make sure the colleges get to know... »»

Given that you only have 17 words rewriting the last sentence, maybe link it to looking forward... »»

You'll do great! I look forward to the next draft. »»

hanhdung: how much I know about the school and how interest I am in it? Is it... »»

Moonshadow0302: I hope no Asian woman driver reads your essay! Yes... this is a good point!... »»

I really love tennis and have played for my town's team since I was 11 so I... »»

You're welcome. All the best! »»

Thank you Kevin...I will have a look on that et tell you later what I have find.... »»

Thanks Kevin! Haha, I especially appreciate positive feedback from an essayforum celeb. I didn't capitalize the... »»

Here are some corrections: Born and raised in New York (City?), I have been exposed to... »»

Transforming from a small town boy in India to a successful manager in California, my father, like... »»

As the song progresses, my fingers slip and produce the wrong note. I am determined to perfect... »»

yes the introduction was the toughest part of my essay but will work on it to make... »»

Oh I see, (about the federal money issue). Makes more sense now, but I still think it's... »»

Thanks so much for your editing support. »»

Alright, THANK YOU! I shall fix it up »»

Here is my suggestion: "Neomuneomu meotjyeo nuni nuni busyeo!" sang Danny as we walked down the... »»

"In a sort of" {you could omit this} letters, lines(,) and shapes as ideas steadily poured... »»

Education was something my parents always stressed. especially on me. I had to work extremely hard in... »»

first suggestion is, try listening to some music as you write. this may make the sentences flow... »»

^^ thank you very much for your idea »»

Yes, as Kevin said - perhaps something more about your personality, using Sudoku as a base -... »»

Yes, that is beter. I like sentences with no comma! They are swift and forthright. »»