Undergraduate Admission Essays

thanks so much for the help. much appreciated. »»

Social sciences are able to ignite a sense of familiarity, something that the technicalities of the sciences... »»

hey thanks a lot. definitely do that »»

Start with an intro sentence that captures the central truth of the essay. Three-dimensional vision has been... »»

Molly and Christine, please check out the contributor page (link at the bottom of the screen), because... »»

Standing one inch short of five feet, and always the smallest player on the court, the odds... »»

thanks a lot! »»

My generation needs to face the fact that the job market is increasingly competitive due to the... »»

For any foreign students coming to the United States, it is difficult to adapt to the new... »»

I had to leave my friends and family, and I knew that tested ties would either be... »»

I used complete sentences when I answered this question. It seemed impossible to lists everything with the... »»

"Util just recently, health care had never even been an tangible option for my parents" A... »»

I make some changes to make the essay more expressive. I focus less on the story but... »»

My father is an accomplished singer, cellist, piano accompanist, and choir director; while, my mother is violinist,... »»

One special experience has influenced me during the past ten years, which will definitely influence the future... »»

EF_Sean: This is quite good, actually. Some grammatical changes: "because our time at the park"... »»

Contents wise, should I be more creative? Should I be doing more showing than telling? Any other... »»

Can I use this for my princeton essay? Prompt: Using a favorite quotation from an... »»

Thank you »»

Thank you, Kevin and atomvik! Any comments? »»

The only thing I could suggest would be to focus entirely on the tennis, since you already... »»

You're getting there. Some more advice: "From that page on, I decided that for any task... »»

Oh wow, thank you very much, Mela, Christine, pandora, dsacks!! I'm glad that my essay could relate... »»

Wow! These are both really fantastic essays! If I had to choose, I would pick the first... »»

You need to stop writing in abstract terms and start writing using concrete examples. There were people... »»

I agree with Sean. Also, this topic is a bit to controversial and it might be risky... »»

ok i'll make better transitions then. thanks :) »»

you are totally right. But I just wanted to focus more on me and my expeirience. But... »»

It didn't seem that long. I enjoyed reading your essay! I like how you described your childhood... »»

thanks for the advice!! =) I've edited my response, attempting to make it more...interesting, and hopefully,... »»

Thanks so much for the comments guys!!! »»

Wow, thanks you guys very much, I'm influenced by my Vietnamese writing style too much, that's why... »»

Oh no!! I did finish it, and it looks great! Sorry you thought that! Good luck... »»

Overall a strong essay. A couple of minor grammatical points: "even as a member of an... »»

Kevin, thank you so much for your help! You are amazing :) »»

Very few students around me had the opportunity to experience this; their parents spoiled most of them.... »»

thanks guys »»

Wow, this makes me feel important!.... To be completely honest, I attended the program mainly... »»

Of the handful of teachers that have influenced me throughout my high school career, I sincerely believe... »»

As a manager of a restaurant, I quickly learned to let go of my bad habits and... »»

THANKS. YEAH, I APPLIED TO MACAULAY AT CITY. HOPEFULLY..... »»

I would join Village Records, but I would attempt to make changes and propose new ideas to... »»

Kevin, thanks so much! »»

This is a really nice essay! It is really personal, and I like the varied sentence structure.... »»

Angela629: And the last one, (this is just what I thought, never mind it) Upenn is a... »»

Even with piano lessons, workout classes, organizing and participating in functions as president of the Anchor Club,... »»

Your SAT score is very high... slightly above NYU average. I think you did a brilliant... »»

You could take out or greatly condense the following to sentences: Later, a journalism student found me... »»

Thank you :) I really appreciate your corrections! »»

Environmental Engineering is to me the most attractive MIT program. My AP Environmental Science teacher... »»

Yeah Thanks a lot for the advice. Will do! »»

Thank you so much! It sounds better. Anyone else? I need all the help I can get.... »»

aha, thanks Kevin. I appreciate what you are doing, and Happy Holidays to you. »»

Ef_Kevin: Thank you so much! You have helped me alot. Anyone else want to give me... »»

For a student interested in pursuing a career in aerospace engineering, I believed there were very few... »»

This is amazing! ...But the word limit will be a problem because colleges will feel that... »»

thank you very much »»

What makes the Wharton School special, is how the undergraduate program combines liberal arts with business, and... »»

Thanks a lot you guys! @Kevin Could you help me break the sentence that you said... »»

EF_Kevin: Can you find room to mention specific programs and resources at the school, so that they... »»