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Undergraduate Admission Essays

Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays.

Moderators: EF_Team, EF_Kevin, EF_Sean, EF_Simone, EF_Stephen, EF_Susan
page:  ««  1  2  3  4  5  ...  70  71  72  73  74  »» Sorted by: Latest Replies | Sort by: New Threads
Subject
Replies
Author Last Reply
My family came to America with limited amounts of money -common app essay
John Quincey Adams My family came to America with limited amounts of money and two small... »»
4
NEEDHELP99
Nov 14, 09, 11:34pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 16, 09, 12:42pm
If today was my last day - Common App Essay
Oh.. yes, well recycling essay material is just fine. They are all your words. The thing to... »»
19
hanhdung
Nov 6, 09, 01:11am
EF_Kevin
Nov 16, 09, 12:35pm
"a helping hand" college essay
You might want to explain this meningitis encephalitis. Maybe it's just me, but I have no idea... »»
9
becca3924
Nov 1, 09, 01:16pm
HelpPls
Nov 16, 09, 12:24pm
IWU-one paragraph why essay
Wow, Kelsey did such a great job, I don't know what to say! ...I had lived... »»
2
jindu85
Nov 14, 09, 09:26pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 16, 09, 12:22pm
"those seeking a new life come forth the Lord" -personal statement. an exprience
He slowly approaches me, and rests his soothing hands on my shoulder. or He slowly... »»
11
mackenson10
Nov 9, 09, 10:39am
EF_Kevin
Nov 16, 09, 12:19pm
How does my reflective essay sound?
Has there ever been a time where your parents told you not to play in the house?... »»
2
tiger13twin
Nov 14, 09, 06:38pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 16, 09, 11:25am
Describe your world and how it has shaped your dreams.
Unfortunately, I haven't yet had that chance to travel all the way across the world or be... »»
2
breefinazzo
Nov 14, 09, 05:15pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 16, 09, 11:04am
UC Prompt #2: "Duality" (please let me know if it is adequate enough)
I decided that I would learn to live respecting and remembering both of my cultural heritages and... »»
2
guffaa88
Nov 14, 09, 05:05pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 16, 09, 10:57am
UC Prompt#2 Personal Quality - Marching Band
I felt as if all hope had flown been lost, but I could not give up.... »»
4
oek0127
Nov 14, 09, 04:42pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 16, 09, 10:52am
"Small gestures in Japanese Culture" - Common app prompt
Much more coherent essay. This is interesting imagery. Some suggestions (in CAPS) to make the analogies... »»
5
icyli
Nov 11, 09, 12:08pm
linmark
Nov 16, 09, 05:02am
"proper education" - A&M Essay: Topic B
Thanks for your help!! Its so nice to have a fresh set of eyes to look at... »»
2
Brandon_Tuba
Nov 14, 09, 01:40pm
Brandon_Tuba
Nov 15, 09, 09:26pm
"ushering people in from sub-zero temperatures" - Stanford Essay
I love this essay- I worked on his campaign too. I only wonder, what exactly did you... »»
3
danieljluebke
Nov 15, 09, 12:55pm
songbird91
Nov 15, 09, 09:18pm
Senior Prom Committee Extracurricular 150 words or less
I chose this job to create something that was worth remembering in high school. With only... »»
1
karyenu
Nov 15, 09, 08:42pm
lahariv
Nov 15, 09, 09:15pm
Common App Essay - Person of Significant Influence
Cool, Thanks! :) »»
14
Klaw30
Oct 20, 09, 04:58pm
Jeannie
Nov 15, 09, 08:44pm
"To make others happy", have to shorten by 400 letters/characters. pennstate p.s
final psu essay.. plz rate I volunteered at Camp R.O.B.I.N over the summer, a facility for... »»
15
metrostars25
Nov 12, 09, 04:34pm
metrostars25
Nov 15, 09, 08:36pm
"the Intensive Care Unit" - Common app short answer
"relief of his condition" "Other volunteers already started serving patients. At Ulsan University Hospital,... »»
6
gorush
Nov 11, 09, 07:50pm
JS2010
Nov 15, 09, 08:23pm
"your future roommate to know about you" - Stanford Essay
No problem. I would really appreciate it if you could read my 7 year Med. essay. Thank... »»
3
danieljluebke
Nov 15, 09, 12:58pm
lahariv
Nov 15, 09, 06:45pm
UW Honors Essay Prompt - 300 Words Max.
Nice analysis! But, perhaps you can create a more interesting first sentece. If one does not fully... »»
6
tobeJames
Nov 14, 09, 09:56pm
lahariv
Nov 15, 09, 06:43pm
UC Prompt #1 The key to my world
me neither.. anyways this is an amazing essay.. the detaisl you place in here are fantastic. Hope... »»
8
bonjouramelie
Nov 2, 09, 10:04pm
batmankiller
Nov 15, 09, 06:28pm
UC prompt 1 : An Evolving Personality
Some highlights that I saw: paragraph 1-you were very detailed with the clothing paragraph 2- rather than... »»
2
chrisraiden
Nov 3, 09, 03:00am
batmankiller
Nov 15, 09, 06:22pm
"very diverse, delightful, and invigorating" - Rutgers Undergraduate Essay.
Thank you very much Susan Mr. Nunez for your help:) I just finished fixing... »»
4
car3n
Nov 15, 09, 12:37pm
car3n
Nov 15, 09, 04:37pm
a diverse individual with my own "vibrant" background - Rutgers Admissions Essay
I tried your suggestion and the essay sounded alot better! Like you said, more dramatic, thanks so... »»
2
JS2010
Nov 14, 09, 07:40pm
JS2010
Nov 15, 09, 04:25pm
Why I chose to apply to UCF
This would be tighter and more interesting if you start it with your second paragraph. You don't... »»
1
mcfaddenm
Nov 15, 09, 01:00pm
EF_Susan
Nov 15, 09, 04:14pm
"Iris"- Common Application Essay Prompt #1
YOUR RIGHT! Thanks for the advice Kevin. I'll be sure to try it. Regards, Axel »»
8
XLZ
Nov 8, 09, 10:06am
XLZ
Nov 15, 09, 03:56pm
"Judge people by their character" - FSU Essay Rough Draft - Mores
"Judge people by their character, not by how they look," my mother once told me. I follow... »»
5
thndthighs
Nov 14, 09, 09:29pm
Jd87rh
Nov 15, 09, 03:47pm
UC Promp #1: Describe the world you come from (family, community, or school)
NEXT DRAFT: UC Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from (family, community, or school) and... »»
3
kyleroland
Oct 24, 09, 05:50pm
kyleroland
Nov 15, 09, 03:30pm
"XX Model UN Conference" - Common App Short Essay
What is thee question that you are answer. try to add more in about how this experience... »»
9
jindu85
Nov 14, 09, 05:00am
NEEDHELP99
Nov 15, 09, 03:03pm
My english teacher as an influential person- Feedback(urgent)- Common App Prompt
Yes, I think you should get right to the point: My eleventh grade English teacher, Mrs.... »»
3
davidson10
Nov 14, 09, 11:32am
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 01:30pm
SUNY Application (Karate)
Google: embryonic breathing. Read what Dr. Yang has to say. It has applications for martial arts, meditation,... »»
6
LordHoseph
Nov 12, 09, 05:14pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 01:20pm
"Old Pride" - 500 words personnal statement.
that person using the red is very good haha. I liked ur essay a lot and cant... »»
5
MonsieurWise
Nov 14, 09, 12:22am
kyleroland
Nov 15, 09, 01:15pm
Supplement DEAR ROOMMATE
I look forward to meeting you and sharing with you my enthusiasm about (all kinds of things... »»
3
mia01
Nov 14, 09, 05:09am
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 01:11pm
waterskiing, UC Prompt 2: Personal Experience.
good subject and connection to ur grades. make more variences in ur sentence structure and use more... »»
4
john7777
Nov 14, 09, 12:19am
kyleroland
Nov 15, 09, 01:09pm
"live your life as a work of art" - Common Application
This is not quite right: I live vicariously through my piano. When you live vicariously through the... »»
5
RhonWeasley
Nov 14, 09, 04:46am
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 01:06pm
Growing up a Muslim American, a world of justice and equality
It was not until recently that I discovered that my mother not only accomplished everything for us... »»
2
Haderdaraide
Nov 14, 09, 12:11am
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 12:47pm
What are the three things you want the Bucknell faculty to know? -- please help
I want to be a story writer. Whenever I have had leisure time I took up a... »»
1
dark horse
Nov 13, 09, 09:20pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 12:25pm
Bowdoin Supplement - "Because There Ain't No Mountain High Enough"
Outing clubber is confusing. It is better to accommodate the reader by using a different term...... »»
7
RhonWeasley
Nov 6, 09, 04:44am
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 12:20pm
The Global Connections Committee -elaborating on your activity
Well, this is a great choice of activity. To get rid of those five words, scratch... »»
3
tdbeckham
Nov 13, 09, 07:40pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 12:09pm
A Different Spin on The Diversity Essay
Dr. Suess also said: Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is toing to... »»
7
chaotic_kiddo
Nov 13, 09, 06:58pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 11:00am
Not a Love Story - UT Person of Influence
"but I lacked the confidence to do so because I had no idea how to dance like... »»
5
patorooni
Nov 12, 09, 04:27pm
glorfs
Nov 15, 09, 10:38am
"I flourish in large classes" - Rutgers admissions essay so far..
...lifetime have enabled me to ascertain a plethora of morals... Wow, lots of big words.... be... »»
4
airrudra
Nov 13, 09, 05:56pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 10:17am
Common App Main Essay- "Dancing Through The Days"
utooley: Tomorrow will be better. Somewhat of a blindly optimistic phrase, but it's proven its worth to... »»
3
utooley
Nov 13, 09, 04:42pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 09:53am
Bowdoin Supplemental Essay
Wow, that first sentence is rough on the brain! Whether the case is Lunging and sprinting, or... »»
3
ccanning10
Nov 13, 09, 04:16pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 15, 09, 09:49am
Cloudhouse - another essay for Common app Topic of my choice
well, haha, I only hope I will appeal all of them, doubt if I have any bad... »»
4
hanhdung
Nov 11, 09, 05:56am
hanhdung
Nov 15, 09, 01:37am
"Always striving for better and greater" - please look over my UC application
thank you for your input :) »»
6
playtm300
Nov 7, 09, 07:31pm
playtm300
Nov 14, 09, 10:24pm
"the challenges of life plus my condition" - my pizazz on college apps
thank you for your input »»
5
playtm300
Nov 9, 09, 12:48am
playtm300
Nov 14, 09, 10:23pm
CC supplement question. why do you wish to attend?
I think the idea of splitting the reasons into different categories is a good idea. But it... »»
2
zeem
Nov 13, 09, 01:46pm
jindu85
Nov 14, 09, 09:23pm
Rutgers Essay Topic: First two paragraphs
Here's how i'd change it up. It's only small changes. over all i think your short essay... »»
3
ipwnu4free
Nov 14, 09, 01:11pm
Jd87rh
Nov 14, 09, 09:00pm
failure, extreme sport, turning point - please help me choose topic of essay
Thank you very much!! »»
4
Twinkle
Nov 11, 09, 05:11am
Twinkle
Nov 14, 09, 08:32pm
Tulane personal statement - swimming
allowed me to take part in... It was not surprising, then, that my coach... Wow,... »»
1
icecreamcat
Nov 13, 09, 03:49pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 14, 09, 07:04pm
Intellectual, athletic, cultural, social interests apart from medicine
Well, the first paragraph is solid. It begins with a clear assertion, you explain it, and then... »»
5
indianajones
Nov 12, 09, 10:47am
EF_Kevin
Nov 14, 09, 06:41pm
Why Northwestern?
Thanks, Jansen, as always your contribution here is inspiring to me. I can tell you spend... »»
4
vip747
Nov 5, 09, 01:46pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 14, 09, 05:44pm
Contribution Essay (Rice's academic life)
It was late on a school night, and even though the day had been tough, I could... »»
2
sv6554
Nov 13, 09, 11:37am
EF_Kevin
Nov 14, 09, 04:30pm
Common App Essay-An Important Person, a student of mine
Yes, always make the final draft shorter than the first draft. Less is more. Find ways... »»
5
Aida_six
Nov 12, 09, 12:53am
EF_Kevin
Nov 14, 09, 04:11pm
Art of mind
Ha ha! You did so well! I like the beginning...where you found out you were not challenged... »»
3
pcvrz34g
Nov 13, 09, 01:33am
EF_Kevin
Nov 14, 09, 03:23pm
double or single-spaced & attach my resume? - Application Questions...
That is great, I'm glad it worked out that way. College is a time for transformation,... »»
8
Kelsey1704
Nov 11, 09, 02:08am
EF_Kevin
Nov 14, 09, 03:18pm
The Graduation Day...
Oh, I see. Well, that works well for it... »»
6
bilal ABUZENAH
Nov 11, 09, 05:54pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 14, 09, 03:02pm
Pitt's Admission Essay, experience
It is great, actually. The reason it seems like you stray off topic is because you did... »»
4
tan1800
Nov 12, 09, 10:32pm
EF_Kevin
Nov 14, 09, 03:01pm
Smith college supplement
thx~!! »»
2
adamsnoopy
Nov 14, 09, 12:35am
adamsnoopy
Nov 14, 09, 10:31am
husband of my mother's friend - SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE Common Application Essay
He was born in XXX..... J impresses me with his unbelievable stories, that I really enjoy listening...... »»
3
mia01
Nov 14, 09, 05:01am
hera246
Nov 14, 09, 05:31am
"Peace Lines" - Significant Experience Essay
I like your essay a lot! I think you could make it better though by improving your... »»
5
Kelsey1704
Nov 11, 09, 02:24pm
chaotic_kiddo
Nov 14, 09, 05:11am
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