Undergraduate Admission Essays

John Quincey Adams My family came to America with limited amounts of money and two small... »»

Oh.. yes, well recycling essay material is just fine. They are all your words. The thing to... »»

You might want to explain this meningitis encephalitis. Maybe it's just me, but I have no idea... »»

Wow, Kelsey did such a great job, I don't know what to say! ...I had lived... »»

He slowly approaches me, and rests his soothing hands on my shoulder. or He slowly... »»

Has there ever been a time where your parents told you not to play in the house?... »»

Unfortunately, I haven't yet had that chance to travel all the way across the world or be... »»

I decided that I would learn to live respecting and remembering both of my cultural heritages and... »»

I felt as if all hope had flown been lost, but I could not give up.... »»

Much more coherent essay. This is interesting imagery. Some suggestions (in CAPS) to make the analogies... »»

Thanks for your help!! Its so nice to have a fresh set of eyes to look at... »»

I love this essay- I worked on his campaign too. I only wonder, what exactly did you... »»

I chose this job to create something that was worth remembering in high school. With only... »»

Cool, Thanks! :) »»

final psu essay.. plz rate I volunteered at Camp R.O.B.I.N over the summer, a facility for... »»

"relief of his condition" "Other volunteers already started serving patients. At Ulsan University Hospital,... »»

No problem. I would really appreciate it if you could read my 7 year Med. essay. Thank... »»

Nice analysis! But, perhaps you can create a more interesting first sentece. If one does not fully... »»

me neither.. anyways this is an amazing essay.. the detaisl you place in here are fantastic. Hope... »»

Some highlights that I saw: paragraph 1-you were very detailed with the clothing paragraph 2- rather than... »»

Thank you very much Susan Mr. Nunez for your help:) I just finished fixing... »»

I tried your suggestion and the essay sounded alot better! Like you said, more dramatic, thanks so... »»

This would be tighter and more interesting if you start it with your second paragraph. You don't... »»

YOUR RIGHT! Thanks for the advice Kevin. I'll be sure to try it. Regards, Axel »»

"Judge people by their character, not by how they look," my mother once told me. I follow... »»

NEXT DRAFT: UC Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from (family, community, or school) and... »»

What is thee question that you are answer. try to add more in about how this experience... »»

Yes, I think you should get right to the point: My eleventh grade English teacher, Mrs.... »»

Google: embryonic breathing. Read what Dr. Yang has to say. It has applications for martial arts, meditation,... »»

that person using the red is very good haha. I liked ur essay a lot and cant... »»

I look forward to meeting you and sharing with you my enthusiasm about (all kinds of things... »»

good subject and connection to ur grades. make more variences in ur sentence structure and use more... »»

This is not quite right: I live vicariously through my piano. When you live vicariously through the... »»

It was not until recently that I discovered that my mother not only accomplished everything for us... »»

I want to be a story writer. Whenever I have had leisure time I took up a... »»

Outing clubber is confusing. It is better to accommodate the reader by using a different term...... »»

Well, this is a great choice of activity. To get rid of those five words, scratch... »»

Dr. Suess also said: Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is toing to... »»

"but I lacked the confidence to do so because I had no idea how to dance like... »»

...lifetime have enabled me to ascertain a plethora of morals... Wow, lots of big words.... be... »»

utooley: Tomorrow will be better. Somewhat of a blindly optimistic phrase, but it's proven its worth to... »»

Wow, that first sentence is rough on the brain! Whether the case is Lunging and sprinting, or... »»

well, haha, I only hope I will appeal all of them, doubt if I have any bad... »»

thank you for your input :) »»

thank you for your input »»

I think the idea of splitting the reasons into different categories is a good idea. But it... »»

Here's how i'd change it up. It's only small changes. over all i think your short essay... »»

Thank you very much!! »»

allowed me to take part in... It was not surprising, then, that my coach... Wow,... »»

Well, the first paragraph is solid. It begins with a clear assertion, you explain it, and then... »»

Thanks, Jansen, as always your contribution here is inspiring to me. I can tell you spend... »»

It was late on a school night, and even though the day had been tough, I could... »»

Yes, always make the final draft shorter than the first draft. Less is more. Find ways... »»

Ha ha! You did so well! I like the beginning...where you found out you were not challenged... »»

That is great, I'm glad it worked out that way. College is a time for transformation,... »»

Oh, I see. Well, that works well for it... »»

It is great, actually. The reason it seems like you stray off topic is because you did... »»

thx~!! »»

He was born in XXX..... J impresses me with his unbelievable stories, that I really enjoy listening...... »»

I like your essay a lot! I think you could make it better though by improving your... »»