Undergraduate Admission Essays

These are great. Well written and interesting, and the last one was very funny, it's great that... »»

Take out commas that interrupt col rhythm, and you can make it direct and powerful, like a... »»

This version is great! I like everything about it. You seem like an interesting, humble,... »»

Hi, I read your essay and I think you've done a good job. Very thoughtful. You've built... »»

Very good essay!! You explained the prompt thoroughly and you clearly defined the local concern of buses... »»

This experience has completely changed me. Before this, I never thought street dance and Chinese dance could... »»

Hey, sorry if I sounded arrogant or mean in any way. My counselor advised that I put... »»

i know what you mean with the confusion on the question. i had the same problem when... »»

thanks a lot for the help =] »»

Greetings, Your writing seemed very much engaging. Though I felt some change might be necessary: "Thus... »»

thanks so much for the help you guys!!! i really appreciate it »»

I don't understand this part: ...that the school acknowledged so much. Oh, I finally figured out... »»

Thanks for the input Kevin. Lets hope the university accepts it. »»

It would help if you posted some examples you were thinking of considering using. Then maybe we... »»

Video games tend not to have quite the academic cachet that you would normally be aiming for... »»

One minor grammatical fix: "horror tales (especially for Halloween)," You need something to set off the extra... »»

thanks again Kevin, I think I am ready to submit »»

this is a creative one :) good luck with your application ;) I like it :D »»

this is good.. with genuine feeling it it i enjoyed reading it »»

I then had a great talk with the mysterious American friend. somehow i agree with mustaa..... »»

hey , I'm applying for the same university too through applytexas.com ; however , there is no... »»

However, I admit that I make some minor errors in grammar and punctuation. You don't need... »»

thank you very much, Kelvin. I really appreciate that! Also, the next time, I will follow the... »»

I was on the freshman basketball team my freshman year of high school ,which took a lot... »»

first-hand My reasons for participating in sports, I believe, reflect the character and determination that... »»

thanks a lot......ive made corrections and submitted my SOP last friday !! nd yeah.... sorry for the... »»

I think you can simply fill in the box " please refer to my attached answer to... »»

Well, why don't you start by posting some of the reasons why you personally think that being... »»

This seems much better! It still cries out for a suggestion, a solution you would promote.... »»

EF_Sean: religious references are almost always likely to be interpreted as red flags, and so should probably... »»

lilahahadi: My passion is striving to become the best I can be. This first sentence should... »»

I think that I've finished my application now, thank you for your help! Have a good day!... »»

@diablo47: Hey thanks a lot! I wish I make it, and fast... cuz I have to respond... »»

hey thanks a lot for all your help, i really appreciate it. »»

thank you. I am going to revise these parts! »»

Three years ago, I was to begin my life in an international school with students from twenty... »»

I thought the commonapp art supplement is only asking for a URL which have your art works... »»

i actaully feel this essay engages the reader and grasps his attention »»

i really appriciate for those who came to my rescue thank you very much most kevin and... »»

I like to help others every time when I have the opportunity to do so; I especially... »»

How about a colon insteade of a semi-colon after "...looking at this society: Now, the whole... »»

Hey, that is a really cool paragraph! Small changes though: What should it feel like... »»

Here is an idea: Sporting those oh-so-trendy, skinny jeans that have solidified my nickname as "chicken... »»

menamilad: Although I know it might sound unusual but it is something I do, I love to... »»

Also, don't forget to capitalize the personal pronoun "I" and days of the week consistently throughout your... »»

Yes, it answers the prompt. I can tell that you have a lot of willpower and... »»

if you have time do as much as possible, write as much essays as possible to show... »»

The thing that scared me the most was taking an AP class, and not doing well. No... »»

Thanks Sean and Kevin. You're right I need to tweak it a bit for that second... »»

This is just an idea, not necessary if you don't like it: I will continue to... »»

Some minor grammatical fixes: "many people would not find a job if businessmen did not take... »»

This is very nice! I suggest combining the last two paragraphs, but more importantly, I suggest adding... »»

Oh, that was a bad joke for me to make! I thought I was so funny... »»

If you find that word count is not an issue and if you really like that first... »»

In my opinion, your reasons of choosing that class is a little bit self-centered. Your major is... »»

Thank you guys, all of your answers have been helpful. »»

Thanks for the help guys. Going to rework this and tinker it. »»

Thank you very much,Mr. Kevin. »»

"The scripts were surprisingly easy to understand thanks to computer science courses and felt that a week... »»

Here are some more ways you could shorten your essay: "The author had scripted something which... »»