Undergraduate Admission Essays

So, as you continue to revise, keep this in mind: "Seeking knowledge and commitment to service"... and... »»

Don't forget that if you post the draft of your answers to the question here, we will... »»

"Although I have always been considered intelligent and well read by my families and friends,I feel,to my... »»

No problem -- that's why we're here. Feel free to post the revised draft for more feedback.... »»

Kevin is right. This is a great essay. Here a few more minor fixes: "For example,... »»

Also, you could add that exposure to a wide variety of topics develops certain general learning skills... »»

Thankx Tyler! I am staying in Singapore. And everyday is summer here. That's a huge blind spot.... »»

I love this essay, your topic is really creative, totally love it! »»

One technique is to just brainstorm every possible idea that you have to support your thesis(no matter... »»

The ending isn't that bad. It clearly refers back to the opening, "We are raising you and... »»

Alternatively, if you afterward became an A student, you could mention that, so that you end up... »»

You could probably also tighten up the writing a bit, making things more concise. For instance, "I... »»

I wanted a job that would truly challenge me and give me room to grow, and I... »»

Your problem seems to be that your issue is more like a meta-issue. I mean, if everyone... »»

Specific is good, as the others have mentioned. In addition to specific anecdotes, you might want to... »»

Just remember that you need to convey the idea that you desperately need the scholarship while simultaneously... »»

Sounds like you have a clear vision of what you want to do with your life. Good... »»

With only a sixth grade education, he as a man who worked his whole life just to... »»

When you say, "mounting the horse with a bizarre passion that was overwhelming in its sincerity," it... »»

After high school graduation I had to decide to which colleges I would apply and what major... »»

Your essay is excellent. Great style, solid grammar, and you stay on-topic. For the second one, the... »»

thank you for the help. »»

franktank07: A surge of energy simultaneously left my body. My senses weakened as the world around me... »»

amanda-- thank you for letting me know that my thesis is unclear. you clearly did not... »»

Ha ha, yeah, at first I thought it was where you go to learn how to elude... »»

i have already gave the essay to the university. anyway thanks »»

oh... I see. Well, good luck!!!!! :))))) »»

Hey, this looks great! I think it will make a good impression. »»

I knew my place, and I wanted to continue to experiment in order for me to be... »»

I think this is great that an adult is heading back to college! »»

NICE! You are great. good job. »»

oh ok thnx everyone for ur suggestion. »»

tell my plans when I attend the school? but the word limit is only 300 and I... »»

Thanks Guys, I appreciate your help. I am in the process of a rewrite :) »»

. My family values were passed along not only by parents and siblings, but also by grandparents,... »»

Definitely on the right track. Some more minor grammatical things: "I read about anatomy over and... »»

Your essay is getting pretty good. Now, you must learn to master the comma: "new things,... »»

You might want to provide a coherent definition for redneck that encompasses all of the meanings you... »»

Is there maximum word count for you to use? This is so excellent, and I... »»

Seeing him in a new light – the vulnerable side – made me want to pursue a... »»

Thanks, Kevin and John!!! And thanks to the ones that had commented previously as well!!! This is... »»

thanks a lot »»

thanks so much for your help I really appreciate all the grammar mistakes you corrected and all... »»

Thank you guys so much :) !! I now got a final draft for business management !!... »»

In the last sentence of the first paragraph, you might want to refer back to that moment... »»

Hmmmm . . . perhaps you should break this up into several threads, by posting each essay... »»

What do you mean "you can't seem to access the reply?" You must be able to read... »»

This essay is very well-written. You have a great style, and tell an interesting story. The conclusion... »»

You're getting there. Some more suggestions: "I always ask myself what I can learn from life,... »»

And In the 16 years I've lived in Beijing I have seen changes of a magnitude that... »»

The ending is fine. Good luck in school! :) »»

"Upon graduation, I will strive to help my fellow man and improve our communities." I would... »»

You should not make your essay too long, because it would make the admissions tired... Also they... »»

Thank you so much for your help »»

Pirates are indeed criminals, and not terrorists, when they carry out their activities for financial gain. The... »»

Your writing involves a high level of diction, which is good, and general grasp of grammar and... »»

Hey, specific is good in this case, for sure. You might want to say "a focus... »»

This is a well written essay, too bad you have to cut it down! One thing... »»

Yeah, the essay seems solid as it stands. Really, saving someone's life versus free snacks -- it... »»

From My mother, my girlfriend, and even my current job have all had an impact on me... »»