Undergraduate Admission Essays

They contradict one another... that is a good observation. Can you also include a paragraph that gives... »»

Don't switch verb tense: My weekend consisted of going to... this is supposed to be about... »»

I have to warn you... the admissions people might be prejudice against you if you include MMA... »»

Is this under the 3800 characters they allow? It seems long. I love every paragraph.... »»

reptar28: Your making the same mistake over and over, can be fixed by just reading out loud... »»

No, no! Bad first sentence! (don't ever take offense when I say critical stuff). That first sentence... »»

Thanks guys for the feedback! I added 40 words to it, making it 220+ words. I elaborated... »»

As a child, I was the member of my family who took interest in helping those who... »»

Watching professional chefs was a hobby of mine when I was near the age of ten. Bobby... »»

One more sentence at the end of that first para could make it more meaningful... give one... »»

...news and being introduced to these depressing accounts of other people's experiences throughout the world.... »»

Throughout in my experience, I noticed that good co worker should have certain qualities. She or he... »»

This is quite an incredible essay. I really like your writing style. and little details, like ordinarily... »»

It wasn't until sixth grade that when my English teacher ... Hey, maybe you should use... »»

Thanks ;) I just wish I could write as well for the SAT, 25 minutes is not... »»

aquamarine: wanted to speak through a photograph this is really good, so I think you should... »»

Thank you SO much for that! It helped tremendously! Very much appreciated. »»

"I began purchasing bulks of high demand electronics for half of their retail price and selling them... »»

Thank you everyone for editing this! I really appreciate the feedback. glorfs: Thanks for the in... »»

Thanks for your replies I will most likely start from scratch and work from there. I did... »»

Thanks for all the feedback! I've revised the final two paragraphs and my conclusion is more... »»

I always tell people they should be purposeful in writing admissions essays. you should have a strategy.... »»

That 1st place trophy is a token that represents a tangible award, but it could mean less... »»

Excellent, thanks! I see that you did get established as a contributor. That's great, and I... »»

I swear, I stared at this for such a long time... the first time I didn't offer... »»

As the only first-generation daughter born to immigrants from Japan and Croatia, my upbringing was a strange... »»

Why is it one long paragraph? That is the most important thing. One idea, one paragraph.... that... »»

Ha ha ha, awesome, we need more people like you!! How could anyone not be impressed... »»

Run on sentence: I never really considered myself to be quite the athlete; after years of dropped... »»

Don't capitalize generation in that first sentence. Use a hyphen for self-learn. A little... »»

Out Of the many reasons that inspired me to apply ... The George Washington University... »»

It was me against a one-ton, metal, forty mile-per-hour moving machine. I almost lost, indefinitely.... »»

Also, don't capitalize nation in that first sentence. I almost want to suggest cutting it down... »»

My first thought is that you should let go of the first sentence. Someone who does not... »»

Thanks!!! very constructive advise. I will make some progress and upload my new essay~ »»

I think your essay was really good, but I at first I thought you were going to... »»

Thank you Susan and Kevin. I'll edit it while keeping your comments in mind. I appreciate it!... »»

in reference to onix, the final draft of the essay has a lot less adjectives in it.... »»

Ummm tentatively... UCLA, UCR, UCSB, USC, NYU, UofM, UofChic, Columbia, Cal Poly San Luis I would... »»

Yes! Elaborate on biomed engineering, because you can show that you already read articles about breakthroughs and... »»

Find ways to use fewer words to say what you need to say: ...that makes me... »»

"I stared blankly at my reflection in the mirror as my mother adjusted my collar until it... »»

kihyun91: incorporated in my enthusiasm to contribute to this school,Does this make sense? No! :-)... »»

batmankiller: stupid and lazy and that all Jews were unfriendly and cheap Ha ha, I understand... »»

kyleroland: participate in service to the youth and underprivileged in my local communities. You should briefly... »»

I also don't think this is too long. Since there is technically no word limit to the... »»

Nov 16, 09, 05:48pm - Attached on merging: "What is Important To Me and Why"... »»

You're welcome. Best of luck to you. »»

Great improvement. A few more thoughts......"awe-inspiring pre-war speech", seems too hyphen laden. And the prompt also... »»

I really like that you added an active voice to this essay. Top colleges are always looking... »»

Thanks EF_Kevin! I'm not really sure if for the second one, MIT wants a specific course or... »»

This might not seem like a very strong subject to you, but you can make it interesting... »»

Hi, Aalap! I think this is an excellent first paragraph and establishes your thesis well. Just... »»

I remember my whole family crying and mourning for days. As a future pharmacist, I... »»

Just go give some ideas to other people and then give them this link to your essay... »»

Wow, I am impressed by how well you write. Also The president and I also broke... »»

Yes, it definitely answers the prompt, and yes this new ending is great. Dramatic pause: However,... »»

John Quincey Adams My family came to America with limited amounts of money and two small... »»

Oh.. yes, well recycling essay material is just fine. They are all your words. The thing to... »»

You might want to explain this meningitis encephalitis. Maybe it's just me, but I have no idea... »»