Undergraduate Admission Essays

Thanks again. »»

Well, I agree that there is no rule as such. That is why I thought I should... »»

llamapoop: It is supposed to be under 500 words. I'm at about 480.... »»

Wow. That's a dense essay. You got tired by the end, eh? And just stopped. You need... »»

ufgatorgrl15: understand now how to learn from my mistakes. You didn't make any mistakes though. The music... »»

Thanks a lot you guys =) »»

Suggested opening: My heart fell on the floor when I heard the news. Just home from... »»

mobious_1: You know, I'm actually thinking about sticking around these forums, maybe proof reading some essays. That... »»

mobious_1: In every other forum I've been a moderator or admin in, moderators can edit titles. I'm... »»

Sean and I both advised you to avoid this topic. Sean explained why very clearly: Reading this... »»

Flows well but I agree with everyone and listen to Sean. »»

I agree this essays really good, especially since it flows nicely into your interest in psychology. It... »»

thanks for the compliments and the help.im going to try and change a few things. »»

thanks that helped alot! im gonna right it over, then post it on here and see if... »»

Everything in your essay happens without explaination as to why it is important or how it effected... »»

As I think, university teaches us the basic knowledge and skills for future's career. Besides, thinking strategies... »»

Victor A: what do you mean by saying "tell it more concisely" Say it more shortly. Use... »»

Earlier, I was never that great a fan of your essays. This is definitely your strongest... »»

I personally think you do not answer the question at all. 'Describe the world you come... »»

Hmm... I'm not sure about bullet points within an admission essay, but I agree that the process... »»

Actually, 36 is OK. Twenty, thirty, forty, and the like should be spelled out, but compound numbers... »»

Your introduction is very strong, and your narrative is solid. I'd like to see you go beyond... »»

i agree »»

it's alright, i asked some of my friends to read it, and they say it's kind of... »»

Thank you. =] And no, my mother didn't. By that time, tony was 18 and he moved... »»

I added a paragraph that explains why I am applying to UT's liberal arts school instead of... »»

Yes, that's a start. From this, we can learn that you are observant, empathic, and culturally sensitive.... »»

It seems that your whole lesson is learned in that instance. I can certainly imagine her saying... »»

It is not a secret that * does not have enough natural resources, for example oil, gas... »»

If no maximum is given, then in theory you can make it as long as you want.... »»

i think its a very well written and good essay. a few points: i feel you... »»

thanks all for the advices. its true that the beginning part is very confusing. and the replies... »»

Yep. You should always supply the exact prompt when asking for help on these sorts of essays.... »»

I am applying to FSU and also have to write the same essay! I think... »»

Liebe: Well I was only born in 1991, so I doubt I am that old. Wiser, I... »»

wells: I tried to keep the essay pretty personal and not vague. "Pretty" is a vague modifier.... »»

4wheelz Granted I do well this semester, studying Physiotherapy could be a possibility and if so, this... »»

mzn528: I'm thinking about write a new one with a story. I look forward to reading that.... »»

I don't see a new one. »»

Liebe: Those first few lines can definitely go. yea, they're kind of corny lol »»

EF_Simone: When you catch yourself thinking that, it's time to walk away from the essay and come... »»

Tikhai, sounds like a smart plan :) x »»

RheaV: You misunderstood. ^Yes I did, because you were not clear. There really is not that... »»

"I have been acting for my whole life but and realistically speaking I have only performed for... »»

Agreed. But it's really difficult for me to express how I really feel about this... »»

EF_Simone: Liebe: When I was younger, about eight, I had a closed mind. I thought all lighter... »»

Either way, you should still return to the simulation at the end of the essay. You need... »»

thanks for the help guys! yeah i will change it back to Hong Kong i'll fix it... »»

your essay is too long »»

kma721: Throughout my entire life, the values embodied in the words "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been... »»

:D their like in cahoots :P »»

why dont u take out that whole 2nd sentence i think it is? about ur parents and... »»

Please omit the entirety of your first paragraph. The extended metaphor is so trite that it detracts... »»

EF_Sean: EF_Simone: Every school has its own system. What was the system at the school... »»

eharvey03: People have a nature. That nature requires them to seek happiness. Seeking happiness is not something... »»

Notoman: tal105: im not sure how to quote ple on this site yet To quote people,... »»

Remember to focus on how this experience changed you. Don't write about how sad you are for... »»

lol Your sentence structure is flawed. For example your second sentence. Your tenses need work. Followingyour passions.... »»

But the problem is how do I say that UPenn business program can help me do this?... »»

ahhh, okay. i see. im thinking i should maybee sorta tweak or redo what i wrote... »»