Undergraduate Admission Essays

I see that Susan got the errors... but little things could be improved, like... no comma is... »»

Yeah, it's really nice! I do like the forwards and backwards thing, as it conveys repeitive... »»

In order to support the "to be continued" theme, you should revise with a focus on resilience,... »»

I agree with amaryrose: to submit this as a college essay, you will have to tie your... »»

Ah!! It will be better if you take a side, or say something assertive in that first... »»

Working through out my sophomore and junior year was tough but I learned how to manage... »»

Yeah, isn't it weird how our writing looks different the next day? Well, as you revise, focus... »»

The process of coping with his death has taught me a lot. It made me understood the... »»

(start with a sentence that SHOWS that you are passionate about studying). Then continue... and I'm sure... »»

aliaad: never had any problem getting along ...best friends back then was a Chinese....very well assimilated with... »»

Student tutors were only selected from the senior AP Calculus classes. Being a fervent fan of mathematics,... »»

It seems unique that you used A for alliteration, but this type of English tool should not... »»

First I think you should omit "useless, pathetic and stupid" and put quotes around "substance abuse"... »»

Going to school and interacting with friends does not really set you apart from anyone! Yes, you... »»

Crack! I was down. A million different thoughts spun in my head. That is just an... »»

Maybe you can think of something creative to do with seek, seek, seek. Seeking scholarly sources, web... »»

Mustafa, you are so mean! Ha ha, and even though my first impulse is that it... »»

This is coming out well, I just found a few things... ...wanted a profession in the... »»

Whenever someone tells you about a conflict, and they tell you the other person used them as... »»

Your first sentence is a great attention grabber! You need to make a clear thesis statement... »»

The traditions of her family fascinated me; the meal was... How fascinating it is for... »»

Ok, you have two different essays going on here, one with a great idea and example, the... »»

You are talking about a love of nature but there is no nature in this. Take advantage... »»

thank you very much PRippr! that first part is just to grab the readers attention, but... »»

interesting introduction the same voice that carried me through my first skating lesson and one... »»

takemeoutoxox: I'm going to start off this essay with a simple statement: I am going to make... »»

It's a moving essay, but it doesn't really show how it shaped your aspirations. Your dad going... »»

I love your story! For my idea I think you should have more description about your inner... »»

OK everyone, here is my revised edition. Let me know how this one is, I am sending... »»

Thanks for the feedback...this is just a first draft, I forgot to say lol. So its kinda... »»

You are right the introduction might not give a good first impression. I'll scrap it if... »»

I thought this was pretty descent, but go deeper and think about the qualities of yourself that... »»

Made some edits. Any comments? Anything is helpful I come from two worlds – one which... »»

Family is a universal name all over the world. Even though, different cultures can influence on the... »»

I made a whole new draft for these prompt. here it is . any suggestions wold be... »»

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, Contribution, or experience that is important to you. What... »»

I am short on time, but reading your introduction here are some mistakes I caught. I... »»

In my opinion this was a good essay, but (and I am not sure what the outlook... »»

Although I was very disappointed about not being able to play with my best friend, itmy disappointment... »»

alliteration, gotta love it! »»

thanks for the advices. I tried doing it again and it did not turn out so... »»

I think this will be my final, before my submission. Thank you Kevin for the editing... »»

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What... »»

It's good. I can see your communication competence :) Well written! »»

For the second one, Should I try to put more positive things throughout the earlier paragraphs or... »»

in the first sentence, you don't need "of my life" "Walking around out doors was on... »»

Thanks! Now comes the hard part of elaborating a 150 word answer and have it still be... »»

"Instead, I dropped by every cafe in the town with copies of my resume and expounded upon... »»

The premise is interesting, but your structure is very blocky. I would definitely recommend paring down many... »»

The only sentence I think could use some work is the second to last. "Conversing... »»

Hey, I would really appreciate it if anyone could skim through my essay for any errors, or... »»

Here are a few things to get you started: ateitelb: The scents of a perfectly cooked... »»

Hey, considering we are on the same student council i think i may be of assistance lol... »»

Nov 18, 09, 05:41pm - Attached on merging: Ryerson admission essay: biomedical engineer Along with... »»

ThankU i did have some grammar issues... I have had a couple of more people read... »»

im still confused int an ethical dilemma something that goes into contradictio with your moral beliefs?.. and... »»

I think you could basically do without most of the second paragraph. I don't think listing their... »»

They contradict one another... that is a good observation. Can you also include a paragraph that gives... »»

Don't switch verb tense: My weekend consisted of going to... this is supposed to be about... »»

I have to warn you... the admissions people might be prejudice against you if you include MMA... »»