Undergraduate Admission Essays

hi! im trying to get accepted into the fashion institute of technology for fall 2010 and i... »»

Thank you both linkmark and EF Kevin. I really appreciate both of your responses and they both... »»

Could anyone help please? This scholarship means a lot to me.. »»

Since childhood, my world was surrounded by math; the myriad of mix of 10 digits was like... »»

I'am considering The Ohio State University not only for it's (it's means it is. to make "it"... »»

That enjamin Rush seems to have been a deep thinker. I think you cando something clever... »»

That's an important observation from linmark, good call! I also think you should "revise for... »»

lyra88: I know I am not the best writer How do you know!? You might soon... »»

allathlete5: The word Undecided best fits me. I am not undecided on what I would like to... »»

I love the quotation you opened with! In our contemporary society, during the age of massive... »»

LehFoxeh: Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your... »»

My advice would be to start your essay with the second paragraph. Then, go on to tell... »»

I'm really bad with punctuation and I also need tips to on improving my essay.... »»

This is coming out very well, but I did find a few mistakes; Living in community... »»

You are an excellent writer, this is great. The first thing that stood out to me though,... »»

thank you susan! this really encouraged me to make an amazing essay :) please when i update... »»

cut the orphan story a little and expand on the conclusion because that is what the prompt... »»

I'm not sure how to delete the above post, and I have to say, I feel really... »»

Thanks for the suggestions! This is definitely a topic I feel strongly about it is just kind... »»

Prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate... »»

I have been an excellent public speaker since I was in elementary school. I was awarded many... »»

the persistence is like the catalyst the renouncement is like the impediment Your second paragraph... »»

Thanks Kevin, I used "comrades" instead of "men", would that be better? And I've also made... »»

third edit-please do harshly analyse it! and thank u for all the previous feedbacks! hopefully i've worked... »»

Thanks for your help :) »»

Essay 2: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or... »»

I am so happy to join the forum. My statement of purpose is attached below. please kindly... »»

This is a really great essay, I don't know what to say! You answered the question perfectly!... »»

The idea of your essay is really nice, but I think you need to make it more... »»

I have to write the same topic "New Nickname for Grinnell" too. Anyway, your essay is nice... »»

Thz for the suggestions, I have added some words now, but I don't know how to make... »»

Hello, Please make any necessary grammatical/spelling corrections, word or phrase changes, or any feedback at all, no... »»

anyone? »»

First of all, your first paragraph is redundant. Get rid of the first sentence entirely ("My family's... »»

This essay is short and sweet and simple and plain, but it's all very well done- there's... »»

EF_Kevin, I feel switching to the present tense might be difficult. I am talking about Calli... »»

prompt one... describe the world you come from. Your welcome! »»

But it doesn't ask me to state any specific work I would like to do as a... »»

Thank you for reading my essay also. I suggest you work on the last paragraph a... »»

My embarrassment had led me to realize that cocky and arrogant ways were pointless and only made... »»

thefreedictionary.com/unrequited If a grin escapes your face, that seems to mean it leaves your face, but... »»

Thank you, you guys have been very helpful! »»

Thanks for your comment! »»

calderon: tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. It really is a... »»

PLEASE scrap the first few sentences and start with this awesome line: I do not yet know... »»

nmp07: He has inspired me to get the most ...capable of the goals that he once wanted... »»

Mousily slipping through the unwieldy doors, I turned to find, to my relief, that our director was... »»

Neil, this is great writing, but I agree that you are not going to seem outstanding if... »»

Duquesne will enable me to extend my spiritual goals as I would like to become a Eucharistic... »»

overtime as one word means.... like... working overtime. In your essay, use 2 words: over time.... »»

Thanks for the advice! However, I've already submitted my final revision of the common app essay, which... »»

Aside from the high-quality education and a wide array of extra-curricular activities, Northwestern also has amazing student... »»

full-time employees My parents, in addition to being full time employees, also have to put... »»

Oh... I see at the start, it is a little confusing: Everyone has experienced a... »»

What an interesting requirement! Well, you are not to write a letter or a journal... »»

Even as a child, I have always loved music. ---> You don't need to include "have," so... »»

I've been working on this essay for a while now trying to reword it and reword it... »»

Thanks for your suggestions! I do need to describe the extent of our friendship more and correct... »»

Yes, this is a good one. My only advice is that you should probably get specific at... »»

alexakrivoniak: Can you please not move? That is truly brilliant. I love the idea that... »»