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Smith Supplement to meet my academic goals

smith2010Threads: 1
Posts: 3 		 Feb 8, 10, 09:04pm   #1
What specific aspects of Smith College will better meet your academic goals? 100 words!!

Smith's open curriculum will equip me with the knowledge and skills that I will need to apply to real world settings and my future endeavors. It will challenge my knowledge by providing me with the opportunities to take rigorous courses and do in-depth study, as well as have discussions of important issues relevant to my intended major, Psychology. Smith's unique ideas, that generate from diverse people from all over the world, will broaden my perspectives and help me grow as an individual. I long to be in an environment where high quality teaching, advising, and mentoring of students is part of everyday life.


What can I do to improve it? Please fix gramatical errors. I cannot have more than 100 words, and currently have 103. HELP!!!

Thanks in advance :)

Matute
linmarkThreads: 3
Posts: 225 [Contributor] 		Edited by: linmark  Feb 9, 10, 05:27am   #2
It's a very plain vanilla essay. If you want to give it more "bite" to make YOU stand out, it will need more specifics and energy. I tried to rearrange of your sentences to improve coherence and focus. Comments and corrections made in CAPS:

smith2010:
BY providing me with the opportunitY ies to take rigorous courses and do in-depth study RESEARCH (?), as well as have discussions of important issues relevant to my intended major, Psychology, Smith's open curriculum will equip me with the knowledge and skills that I will needED to apply to real world settings and IN my future endeavors (CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC - WHICH SKILL DO YOU THINK IS MORE IMPORTANT?) It will challenge my knowledge Smith's unique ideas, that generateD from diverse people from all over the world, will broaden my perspectives and help me grow as an individual.


A. Smith
EF_KevinThreads: 23
Posts: 8801 [Moderator] 		 Feb 10, 10, 01:02am   #3
Too general! Does the prompt really sk why it is "better" than other schools? If so, you need specific reasons. These thins you wrote could be written about any school.

What kind of psych do you prefer? Existential? behavioral? Whatever it is, you should have a few professors at this school that have written articles that really resonate with you.

What about this "open curriculum"... You can write a good sentence about why it is better than the curriculum at some other school to which you may have applied.

Imagine a friend shows up and asks you why this school is better... what is the real, simple reason? It might just be that it is the school that feels right. Give practical reasons, too, though.

:-)

Kevin, EssayForum.com
smith2010Threads: 1
Posts: 3 		 Feb 11, 10, 08:08pm   #4
thank you for your advice :)

I guess because it cannot go pass 100 words I feel so constrained. and decided to go very general. but i will work on it :)

Matute
smith2010Threads: 1
Posts: 3 		 Feb 11, 10, 08:39pm   #5
Here is a revised versions. I tried to be more specific as to what skills I would attain. Should I take out the first sentence and talk more about Smith's Psychology Department and how it would benefit me?

Topic: What specific aspects of Smith College will better meet your academic goals?

By providing me with an open curriculum and various department resources, Smith will open the door of opportunities such as taking rigorous courses and doing in-depth research in its laboratories. I will also have discussions of important issues relevant to my intended major, Cognitive Psychology, which will equip me with the skills needed to apply in my future endeavors. With Smith's hands-on training I will attain essential writing, quantitative and communication skills that will aid me to understand and think critically about behavior and mental processes. I long to be in an environment where high quality teaching, advising, and mentoring of students is part of everyday life.

Thank you.

Matute
EF_KevinThreads: 23
Posts: 8801 [Moderator] 		 Feb 12, 10, 06:55pm   #6
Yes, change that first sentence. That sentence could be written about almost any school. You should write a sentence about a way in which this school is better FOR YOU, with your particular vision, than another school is.

:-)

Kevin, EssayForum.com

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