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Making my sentences more colorful/descriptive

JamesKimThreads: 1
Posts: 1
 Nov 26, 2009, 06:44pm   #1
UC Prompt1: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Please help me make this sentence more colorful.

Every morning, I go to school and look around me to see the faces of different ethnicities among my friends. Filipinos, Asians, African Americans, Hispanics, Caucasians, and other ethnicities from around the world roam the halls of my school campus

James Kim

meisj0nThreads: 9
Posts: 356
 Nov 26, 2009, 08:08pm   #2
JamesKim:

Every morning, I go to school and look around me to see the faces of different ethnicities among my friends. Filipinos, Asians, African Americans, Hispanics, Caucasians, and other ethnicities from around the world roam the halls of my school campus

Every day when I go to school, I find in my group of friends a diverse world of ethnicities: ...
Walking through the halls of my school, I see the faces of my many friends, people from all different backgrounds and ethnicities....
I'm not sure whether you want flowery language...

Jonathan Hsu
EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,314
[Moderator]
 Nov 28, 2009, 02:13pm   #3
Here is a good example of an essay with colorful language http://www.essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-essays-2/want-push-s ubmit-button-tonight-stanford-9767/#msg51558

You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!

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