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Essay for Ut and A&M (Texas Admission Essays) Give me your insight!(:

Swallace18Threads: 1
Posts: 2 		 Nov 26, 2009, 08:45pm   #1
Prompt:
Topic B. Choose an issue of importance to you—the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope—and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

I'm not that great at grammer or spelling, and I'm sure i could replace a few words with larger vocabulary words. Just let me knowww.(:




Shelby Wallace 22 September 2009
Someone True
My customary day at Rockwall-Heath High School consisted of congregating with "the girls" in the morning before first period began. Then I would text them with my eyes glued to the small screen of my cell phone anticipating any new intriguing gossip like it was something life changing to discover. Later we would go to lunch where we would all sit together and run our mouths some more. We were typical high school girls: cliquey, judgmental, and caring only for our own drama infested lives.
Everyday having the same routine caused me to be oblivious to anything happening in my surroundings if it wasn't involving my friends and I. Those six girls were the only people of importance to me and we built a wall of lies and gossip inclosing our circular plastic table. We babbled about the horrible ensembles other girls were wearing. We jabbered about the boys that we thought were too cute for the girls we did not like. Everything discussed was negative unless the conversation was about us of course.
Travis is a boy the same age as us but there are some differences. He has a mental disability. Although he is a very intelligent individual his thoughts are hard to express and seem trapped inside him as he attempts to tell you what he has to say. Travis had sat by himself the entire school year and by now it was nearly December.
My friend Hillary decided to step out of our bubble we had created for ourselves and make the suggestion of inviting Travis to sit with us at lunch. Our snobby, impudent attitudes were showing on our faces as each one of us raised one eyebrow with that "what are you thinking" look. We then gained our composure realizing that we should agree with her idea but in the back of our minds no one was fully supportive. No one, including Hillary, was going to step up and invite him over.
Hypothetical suggestions between us were always being made but none such as this. They were ordinarily "what if we did this" statements involving something malicious we would like to do to another girl we had an issue with. So it was strange that a week later Hillary and I both acted upon this idea and stepped towards the lonesome boy as the rest starred. When we asked him to join us his face lit up. There was a rare moment that we all felt his genuine happiness. We made his day and it was something we had never felt before. His smile was beautiful even with his missing tooth and drool sliding down his face. Reality grasped hold of me like a steel bear trap.
I've looked at my life, the things I do, and the things I say in an entire different perspective since that day. True joy doesn't come from the latest story floating around my high school or the way my friends and I dress. It comes from touching other people's lives and watching the way their face shines when they are truly happy because of what I've done and knowing someone cares.
One might say that it is a stretch. True Joy? Asking a boy that is mentally handicapped to sit with you is merely a small act, but it has impacted both of our lives greatly. Travis sits with me to this day at lunch. He has taught me patience by having to try to understand what he has bottled up in his mind and waiting for him to express what he is feeling. Our conversations are much different than ones I have with my other class mates but can most of the time be more meaningful. He has shown me to not judge a book by its cover and that beauty isn't found on the outside.
Travis has changed my life through meeting him. I find it insane how things can turn around on you. I never in a million years would have thought that this relationship would have benefited me so much. He allowed me to see things in a different light, transforming my shallow, hard heart, and turning my whole world upside down.

Shelby Wallace

shukan23Threads: 1
Posts: 2 		 Nov 26, 2009, 09:09pm   #2
All in all a pretty good essay; however, my only concern is the shortness of the last paragraph. If you are trying to end with a BANG try and change it up a little bit.

Shukan Patel
EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,314 [Moderator] 		 Nov 28, 2009, 02:22pm   #3
Hypothetical suggestions were always being made among us, but none such as this.

It will be better if you condense the narrative, the story, and focus on using it as an example to illustrate your ideas about this issue. The essay should be about the issue. The 1st paragraph should end with a sentence about the issue. Name the issue, and in that first paragraph, give your suggestion about what people should do about it.

:-)

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