Please comment on how its lacking.
Is my theme good? or am i just shooting myself in the foot?
HELP on the Syntax and grammar
As a young Asian American, I was raised by traditional Asian parenting. My parents aggressively urged academic excellence. As I grew, I did not become the traditional by-product of who my parents were intending to create through their traditional parenting. Even though I have not become the person my parents intended to create, I am proud of whom I am today. I escaped the Asian dogma, working hard to honor your parents, and have become a mature and self-motivated student.
From very young, I was expected to have no less than an A-. At night, my parents expected me to report every homework assignment to the dinner table. If there was a substantial amount of problems that I had done incorrectly, I would expect a "smack" on the back of the head. Sadly, my father believed that if you wanted to instill discipline, inducing a little roughness was necessary. This belief is obviously false for it only increased my unwillingness to work. I worked hard in primary school for my parents, but not for myself. As the years passed, I achieved high marks and was on the honor roll but it was not until middle school where my perspective of school changed.
My unwillingness became resent toward my parents and it lead to an aggregated decline in school performance. I can vividly remember my teachers asking me," Thomas, how did you change so much. You were such a modeled student." I did not care though for my parents had given me exponentially worse howls. Outside of classrooms, I began to surround myself with friends who were bad influences. As a result, my individual character began to diminish and I subsequently became known as a delinquent. In one particular semester, I had even attained a grizzly 0.7 grade point average.
A few years later as a sophomore, I finally had enough. I realized that my resent towards those who loved me was utterly immature. Up until the sophomore year, I had never thought of the future for myself. I was immature, hedonistic, and unmotivated. I was being selfish to myself and I knew I had to change. Immediately following the latter half of my sophomore year, I devoted myself to working hard in school. My life is in my own destiny, and I wanted to better myself.
My downfall also allowed me to grow on my own without my parent's grips. I learned the importance of working for one's own and not for other's sake. I began to surround myself in friends that were influentially positive. Joining extracurricular such as Forever Green and kickboxing further built on my character. It would be false to state my parents were an impediment to my growth for I would not have experienced failure, the downfall, without them. In a sense, my parents have indirectly been the most influential figures in my life. I have risen from the ashes and I am proud to say I am a mature and self-motivated person. I aspire to become an individual who would be endeared for their dedication and independent mentality.
As I grew, I did not become the traditional by-product of who my parents were intending to create through their traditional parenting. ...I did not become the by-product of this traditional upbringing, as my parents had intended.
Even though I have not become the person my parents intended to create You are repeating yourself here.
My unwillingness became resent toward my parents and it lead to an aggregated decline in school performance. My unwillingness to study and overachieve led to resentment toward my parents...
Thomas, how did you change so much. You were such a modeled student." ...change so much? You were such a model student.
Outside of classrooms, I began to surround myself with friends who were bad influences. Outside of the classroom, I became surrounded with friends who were a bad influence.
I had never thought of the future for myself. You could say: I had never imagined what my future would be like.
I was being selfish to myself and I knew I had to change. remove "to myself"
I like your story, it is inspiring and shows how important a parent's role is in education for their child.
