Britney, you are portraying a wrong message here. To not take drugs and stuff is not something you stand on the terrace and shout a loud (only when you take them its a big deal!) ...
There are many like you who don't take these things and show more character. Many have have parents who encourage their children to do better. The first two para's.... what you write is minimum expectation of a students character. Nothing different....
GRAMMAR IS VERY BAD. The whole essay has very few sentences grammatically correct... such as...
I live with my dad who was a marine, my mother who is a stay at home mom, an older sister who is a freshman in college, my twin sister, and my younger brother who is in the sixth grade.
Even, the education part.... I was taught by my mother. Kids have written journals, done research and gone for camps and have been tempted to do wrong things...not all turn that way... So, we must not state the obvious and say something different.
Where are your accomplishments? You have not mentioned your interests, your ambitions and how this college would help you achieve it? Let us get the matter straight and then we can work the grammar.
Hope this helps... :)