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"Working at my first work" - activity, interest, experience, achievement in your life


francesjsimeon 1 / -  
Sep 13, 2010   #1
At a very young age, I thought that everyone's life situation was congruent to mine. I inferred that all individuals lived with one parent and wasn't affluent, but still had everything they needed. Elementary school was where I realized that some kids lived with either both parents, grandparents, father, or with a sibling. Middle school was where I realized not all students were affluent and some didn't have everything they wanted or needed. During my last high school summer break at my first job is where I witnessed firsthand just how disparate the life situation of individuals really is. Working at my first job was an experience that has been meaningful to me.

Eagle's Wings Development Center is a nonprofit organization that caters to individuals and families in need. This organization provides food, clothing, and job assistance. They also help individuals fill for government assistance like social security, unemployment compensation, and Medicare. Everyday a new face would arrive at Eagle's Wings hoping to walk out with just a tad bit more then what they posses. We tried to give them what they wanted and when we couldn't we always made sure we gave them what they needed. Listening to those individuals speak of their lives was sometimes tough to hear but yet encouraging. One lady came to this organization in hopes of finding a job to support herself and her three year old daughter. We signed her up for the employment workshop that is held every Tuesday and Thursday. She came that following Thursday to the workshop, and at the end of it pulled me aside to tell her story of how she just came out of a physically abusive relationship with her father's child, she has no social security number, and is an illegal immigrant. We unfortunately couldn't find her a job because she didn't have the documents needed, but we would not let her leave empty handed. So we helped her apply for food stamps, Medicaid and child support. After working there for just two months was a milestone in my life. I've become so much more respectful, generous, kind, appreciative and cognizant of how poverty is still growing within our world. Watching people come in with despair and bleak written all over their face again and again often kept me awake at night wondering will these people ever be unfettered from all troubles. Throughout the time I was there I came across low income individuals or families who were homeless, abused, well educated or with just a third grade education, hit hard by the recession, immigrants, disabled, convicts, drug addicts. It has been weeks since I last seen or heard from the people of Eagle's Wings but I will never forget all the days I spent there. The people I have met and seen. The smiles I put on their faces and the jokes they told me to put a smile on my face. Being there was at times hard to bear and understand, but I am thankful that I was able experience all that I have.
donrocks 5 / 120  
Sep 15, 2010   #2
Listening to those individuals speak of their lives was sometimes tough to hear but yet encouraging.

1.Please elaborate. Individuals.... please use a better word. Tough, how? That lady comes in for a line in the essay which is your milestone. Need to give more linking between the lady and you. On how counseled her... how did you manage food coupons and all if she was illegal. Please explain.

2.You see, you have skipped all the important parts of the essay. You have not specifically mentioned what was your job in the society. Everyone works in a department and then the work is organized.

We tried to give them what they wanted and when we couldn't we always made sure we gave them what they needed.

3.Nice sentence but i think the english of this needs to be worked on.
4. The opening is very boring. You need to jump to the main content faster....!
I think a little more hard work is required and this be a acceptable essay. :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 15, 2010   #3
Sounds like trying too hard to use vocab words:
I inferred that all individuals lived with one parent and wasn't weren't affluent, but still had everything they needed.
I put the vocab words in bold. :-)

In that first paragraph, you talk about when you noticed that not everyone was affluent, etc., but the real point you are getting to is that you learned something during your first job.

I think you should revise the first paragraph so that it really is about what the essay is about. Do you know what I mean? I don't want to suggest how to do it; I think you can revise it to be perfect, now that the rest of the essay is written.

:-)


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