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Work or travel for a year between high school and university? 'wise descision'


answers: 4
May 16, 2011, 02:13am   #1
Topic:
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies

It is correctly said that life makes you learn and that learning helps you at work and in daily life. Students are encouraged to work or travel for a year after completing their secondary education which helps them in gaining experience and integrating their theoretical knowledge in practical application.

Firstly, when students go out to work they meet different people, they learn social behavior and ways to commmunicate with others in professional life. Moreover, different ideas and thoughts will be exchanged. This way maturity will develop. Secondly, they will learn right and wrong by making small mistakes which will prevent big losses in later life after they persue their career. Thirdly, working and travelling will build up the level of confidence of students. Moreover, it will also bring out their creativity and hidden talent which was veiled when they were studying. Some people are good at studies while some display their skills at practical side. This way they'll get to know where they stand and how much struggle they have to do. Another positive point of sending students to work is that they will start to earn and by earning they will realize the value of money. They will start to think wisely in spending and will become less dependant on their parents for pocket money.

These all learning will surely help them when they will start their tertiary education. They will be able to imply things and skills learned into the theoretical concepts which they will study and it will also be useful in the career they will persue.

In a nutshell, it is a wise descision to send students to travel or to work after they complete their high school studies.

Please correct it:) thanks

May 16, 2011, 05:21am   #2
Greetings !

The essay is poorly constructed, displaying flaws in understanding of some of the material. There are some omissions or inaccuracies. The essay may not be fully focused on the question asked.
May 16, 2011, 11:18am   #3
Salima,

I believe essay topic- "discuss advantages and disadvantages." if it so, then you've not mentioned both the ends.

The points are not very clear. Why don't you link one point with next. This will give essay a good structure and rhythm to flow for readers.

For example-When students go out to work they meet different people and learn social behavior that helps in exchanging ideas and concepts and doing so, they learn to differentiate between right and wrong, which will prevent big losses in later part of their life.

I hope this will help.

Take Care
It is correctly said that life makes you learn and that learning helps you at work and in daily life.---This complex sentence really got my attention and made me think. I like it!

Students are encouraged to work or travel for a year after completing their secondary education which helps them in gaining experience and integrating their theoretical knowledge in practical application. (Right here, you should probably add a thesis statement that expresses the main idea of the whole essay. Then, end the first paragraph.)

Firstly, when students go out to work they meet different people, and they learn...

They will be able to imply apply skills and theoretical concepts from their studies, and it will also be useful in the career they will pursue.

:-)
May 17, 2011, 11:34pm   #5
I believe the introduction is vague.Nothing hasn`t mentioned as pros and cons & the body doesn`t have deciplined structure to fallow,it is pretty chaotic so it leads reader get confused.

I hope this will help.



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