'I had to work harder' - Undergrad Entry Essay

Please describe your past academic experiences and your reasons for wishing to enroll to Maryland at this point in your academic career. Students who have been out of school for several years, or who have a personal circumstance that affected performance, may wish to address that situation in their essay. Your essay should be no more than 300 words.*

University of Maryland Essay
School was a joke to me during my years in public school. I was supposed to come to school to learn and it would just be mind-numbing. The work was no challenge, so I felt that if I already knew the material, why attempt to do the work. During school I would just dawdle most of the day until it was time to go home. The mindset I had during my time in school was doing well on all the quizzes and tests and you will pass the class. Once I got to college that was no longer the case. The first semester put me in place in terms of learning. I realized that I had to work harder to get the grade I wanted and receiving a barely passing grade is unacceptable.

The reasons why I wish enroll at Maryland at this point in my academic career is my thirst for knowledge. People learn a lot about themselves in life, and I learned that my mind needs knowledge to flourish. University of Maryland will be able to offer that opportunity. I have spoken to people that attend U.M.D and they say the classes and teachers are impeccable. Not only does University of Maryland offer immaculate learning programs, the clubs and campus environment seal the deal. The campus environment offers a warm atmosphere. The staff and students are welcoming and polite. These are the reasons I wish to enroll at University of Maryland.

The second paragraph is good. It's professional and grammatically correct, and gets the point across. The first paragraph is somewhat sloppy; it's too colloquial, and sounds very elementary: "school was a joke", "it would just be mind-numbing", "so I felt that if I already knew the material, why attempt to do the work... ...I would just dawdle most of the day".

I'd recommend cleaning up the first paragraph, to give it the kind of professional feel of the second. You don't want it to sound like you're just speaking casually with your buddies; you want to prove that you have what it takes to use proper elocution and form, especially in an admissions letter.

Yeah, I agree with the previous comment. To be honest, I did not know that your essay, was an essay. I would suggest crafting the essay into something more eye catching.