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I am a woman. I am pragmatic and unpredictable; Barnard Transfer Essay!


GalPacino 2 / 3  
Jan 17, 2014   #1
Hi! I'm primarily concerned with whether this answers the question of what I'm hoping to get from going to Barnard. I feel like I might be rambling. Please let me know! I'll comment back. Thanks!

Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

I am a woman. I am pragmatic and unpredictable. I cannot read a map, but I've read James Joyce's Ulysses, twice. And no, I will not describe myself in five words or less. I am an artist, a radical political thinker. I am a cinephile. I have blonde hair, blue eyes, and a beautiful mind. I know who I am, even if I cannot exhaustively verbalize it, even if I am constantly changing. I am a woman, unorthodox. Extraordinary. I am many things, and so is Barnard College.

Almost two years into my college career, I have come to an intimate understanding of who I am, and what I aspire to do with the rest of my college years, and for the rest of my life. At my current institution, "", I have read, engaged and discovered. But put simply, I do not believe that I can continue to grow anymore, as a woman, as a citizen, or as a student, at my current institution.

Barnard's curriculum, one of a sort of structured flexibility, will allow me to explore my academic interests to their fullest extent, without being hampered by the at times arbitrary boundaries between academic disciplines. At my current institution, I have struggled with the rigidity of the academic requirements of my major and the core curriculum. By specializing and concentrating in various disciplines, under the larger umbrella of Political Science, and with the versatile Nine Ways of Knowing curriculum, which as my tour guide quipped quite smartly "should allow no Barnard woman to graduate with the same curriculum as another", my Barnard education can be carefully customized to meet my needs. In the search for knowledge, Barnard's structure will help guide me, but its flexibility will allow for movement and deviation, for academic exploration as opposed to the fulfillment of punctilious prescriptions of proficiency.

Barnard College will provide me with a more rigorous academic environment and a student body who is just as academically and civically engaged as myself. I crave not only to be inspired by my professors at the head of the classroom, or by the texts sitting at my lap, but by the woman sitting next to me. I seek not competition, but collaboration with Barnard women, as we work to fulfill our own academic goals. I believe that we are both the matter and the makers of our own experiences; that is, though we are shaped by forces external to us, we have agency in creating those forces. Thus, though I am hoping Barnard will shape and mold me into the best "me" possible, I know that I play an active role in making that possible. Furthermore, I hope that I can leave my impression upon Barnard and my fellow classmates.

I am a ball of contradictions, sprinkled with non-sequiturs, and rolled in sincerity. Barnard College is an institution that, simply, will allow me to fully be every component of my personality and of my person. How do I know this? Because Barnard College itself represents boundless dimensions and multiplicities. It is a small liberal arts college within a large, Ivy League university. It is primarily a women's college, but allows for a coeducational experience. Barnard's campus is small and community-oriented, but it is housed in an urban powerhouse of creativity, business, culture and life. And though every Barnard woman is intelligent and is working to fulfill her own academic goals, she is socially and politically conscious, she is concerned with social justice and the welfare of her classmates as well. More than anything, Barnard understands that knowledge, and furthermore human growth, is not best produced in isolation, figurative or literal, but in concert. I hope to take part in this engaging experience, as a woman, as a citizen and as a student, in Fall 2014.
thenewdude 13 / 59  
Jan 17, 2014   #2
I am pragmatic and unpredictable. -- Try, I am pragmatic and spontaneous.

and a beautiful mind -- and an eager/a curious mind .

I am a woman, unorthodox. Extraordinary. I am many things, and so is Barnard College. -- I am unorthodox and extraordinary; I am many things. And so is Barnard College.(you can totally ignore this, just sounds better to me)

and what I aspire to do with the rest of my college years, and for the rest of my life -- maybe try, " what I aspire to make of myself/my life."

But put simply, I do not believe that I can continue to grow anymore, as a woman, as a citizen, or as a student, at my current institution. -- But to put it simply, I do not believe that I can continue to grow anymore - as a student, as a woman, or as a citizen - at my current institution.

one of a sort of structured flexibility -- what do you mean to say? consider revising

arbitrary boundaries between -- rigid boundaries between
Knowing curriculum, which as my tour guide quipped quite smartly "should allow no Barnard woman to graduate with the same curriculum as another", my Barnard education can be carefully customized to meet my needs -- Knowing curriculum - which as my tour guide quipped quite smartly "should allow no Barnard woman to graduate with the same curriculum as another" - my Barnard education can be carefully customized to meet my needs

student body who is -- student body that is

but by the woman sitting next to me. I seek not competition, but collaboration with Barnard women, as we work to fulfill our own academic goals -- but by the student sitting next to me. I seek not competition, but collaboration as we work to fulfill our own academic goals . Try not to use 'woman' so often; they know they are a women's college!

we are both the matter and the makers of our own experiences -- love this sentence!!

Furthermore, I hope that I can leave my impression upon Barnard and my fellow classmates -- At the same time, I will endeavor to leave my distinct impression upon Barnard and my fellow classmates.

isolation, figurative or literal, -- isolation - figurative or literal -

Overall, beautiful language, and I think you answer the prompt sufficiently well. Hope I was helpful!!

Please comment on my Skidmore and Rhodes essays, if possible.
vndnsms - / 2  
Jan 30, 2014   #3
it is a well written essay. however, the prompt asks for why you want/need to transfer out of the place you are in right now. Rather than specifying what barnard can do for you in the commonapp statement, you should leave that for your supplement (if they ask you for one that is, if not, then by all means include what barnard has that you want that no other school can provide for you). include what you didnt like about your school whether it be your class size, lack of internship/research opportunities, etc. just dont bash on your school.
Mustafa1991 8 / 373 4  
Jan 31, 2014   #4
Your style is bombastic and uneven. It reminds me of hollow political oratory. At that, it is not in proportion at the word-sentence level or at the paragraph-essay level.

For example, pragmatic and unpredictable don't have a clear-cut relationship. Are you trying to show paradox, complexity, contradiction, a combination thereof, or something else? Are you trying to depict a challenge to conventional ideas? How serious are you? You can't read a map? How is that relevant, notwithstanding a contrived pun and an excuse to mention a book you have read?

Where is it that you actually address the prompt? If an astute reader were to boil down all the verbiage, what end product would be left to serve the prompt?


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