Please give any feedback you may have, negative or positive, about the essay! If you want for me to read over your essays, please, just let me know, and I will be on it. Thanks!
What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about.(200-250 words)
Last summer, I worked on plasma fusion. My job was to mathematically describe plasma irregularities caused by quantum fluctuation. It was detailed work and tough to grasp at first, but when I wrapped my head around the math and finished the work my mentor needed for publication, I began asking myself some meandering questions.
I was first drawn to fusion because I care about energy, and believed fusion offered the most complete, single worldwide energy solution. After working in fusion, and then reading about Germany's new renewable energy economy, I had to wonder if there wasn't a better way. Built on the fly in the 18 months since the Fukushima disaster, Germany's shift to alternative energy has already shown economic and production advantages over traditional energy production. This started me searching.
Dispersed solar utilities. Graphene energy dense storage cells. Grid improvement. Hydro. Wind and more. There were so many alternative energy paths to investigate that I beamed with excitement. For, while I may have been at a loss if asked which option best, I was no longer lost in my approach to the problem. A willingness to be at a loss, but a refusal to remain lost as a result of shortsightedness: this is the trait which most defines me and which makes me most proud.
I too feel the same. The prompt asks you to talk about one of your attributes and its significance to you, how it did impact your life etc. You have understood it differently and answered out of topic.
Re-do this response and post again here.... We'll provide you with our feedbacks. :)
I feel pretty similarly about your response. I think you have a lot of potential with this topic, but if you directly introduce what your answer is and back it up with evidence from your experience, you could make this a solid essay.
Also, I would really elaborate/simplify what this means... "A willingness to be at a loss, but a refusal to remain lost as a result of shortsightedness" (sure, it makes a little sense in this context, but is there a shorter/more concise and encapsulating version of what this is?)
Please post again when you need another look at a revision! :-)
