'ways to better myself' How has family history, culture influenced who you are?

Please read and let me know if this acceptable. THANK YOU!!!!

There is great truth when you say, "Who you are is the influence of your family history, culture and environment.

Education will always be an important subject to my family. My parents brought us to the United States at a very young age for one purpose only...education. My parents grew up in a very poor environment. My father became a mechanic by joining the Peruvian Military. My mother got married and did not go to college. They both realized that staying in Peru would not give me, my brother and two sisters an opportunity to grow up in a country that has plenty of opportunity to better yourself.

When I think of my father, I think of a hard working man that has worked hard to maintain a family of six and put us through to college.

I have learned my own lessons in life and realized that without an education I can not be the person I want to be. In these tough times, when the economy is down, I realize that I can not sit and wait for it to come back up. I need to always look for ways to better myself. I've learned from my father that as a woman I can not allow to depend on someone else. That I have to take control of my life and pursue what will ultimately make me happy. I have become an ambitious, strong and well grounded woman that is pursuing the best for me and my family.

This essay is generally well-written, including the vocabulary you use and the grammar.

However, I do not find a very strong sense of interest in your essay that will keep me read it again and again. To accomplish this, you can try to write about something more specific than general.

angela