Ok so I feel like I kind of answered the question but at the same time I'm not sure I did. So if someone could please help me that'd be great. Please keep in mind that I'm not the best writer and thank you so much for taking the time to help me.
Prompt: What influenced you to apply to Harvey Mudd College? What about the HMC curriculum and community appeals to you? (500 word limit)
Response:
If I were to be completely honest, then I would say that everything about Harvey-Mudd College appeals to me. However, the main thing that coerced me into applying to Harvey-Mudd was my visit to the campus when I attended the Fall FAST program. When I visited the campus, I was able to meet theof Harvey-Mudd students, and as my visit progressed, I learned about Harvey-Mudd's curriculum through the faculty and the two classes I sat in on. Overall, my two day experience with the community and the curriculum of Harvey-Mudd was beyond excellent because it appealed to my heart and especially to my mind.
What appealed to my heart the most during my visit to Harvey-Mudd were the people, and how they were all so kind and attentive throughout my stay. In particular, my host, Vincent Fiorentini, and his friends all welcomed me into their group and made the anxiety of entering a foreign environment a lot easier for me, and ended up making the experience of being a college student for a day that much more memorable, exciting, and authentic.
Furthermore, I also had the privilege of conversing with some of the faculty of Harvey-Mudd, which I found surprising because, at most of the colleges I had visited, faculty were almost impossible to reach in person. In fact, I felt that I knew some of the Harvey-Mudd faculty more than I knew my own guidance counselor. Anyways, the fact that Harvey-Mudd's students and faculty are some of the kindest people I have ever met and that I was able to get to know them so well over such a short period of time appealed to my heart by providing the promise of a friendly and accepting community.
What appealed to my mind the most during my visit to Harvey-Mudd was the curriculum's ability to supply me with a diverse and rigorous array of knowledge. One of the main problems I have been having with deciding on which colleges to apply to is the fact that the majority of these colleges require me to focus on math and science, and forget everything else. Now, I love math and science as much as the next HMC applicant, but I still enjoy learning about the social sciences and arts; this is why I really like the opportunity made possible by Harvey-Mudd's Core Curriculum. Furthermore, from sitting in on two of Harvey-Mudd's classes and talking to the students, I am aware of the challenges that await me at Harvey-Mudd and that just excites me even more. You see, the challenges of Harvey-Mudd's curriculum appeals to my mind because I have always craved academic challenge because that is how I know that I am learning something new.
To say that my visit to Harvey-Mudd College was excellent is truly an understatement. It was as unreal as the square root of negative one. I can only hope that I get the opportunity to go back as an admitted Harvey-Mudd student.
The unreal part is very befitting of HMC, and it's a very real essay. Obviously, HMC isn't your Caltech backup, and they will appreciate knowing that. I think you nailed it as far as hitting the points, but as far as eloquence, it's not the absolute best... not that it's bad. I believe the HMC admissions would understand that the average Mudder is much like you, and if they would want to ruin such a dynamic, they would have done so a long time ago.
Good luck.
Now, I love math and science as much as the next HMC applicant, but I still enjoy learning about the social sciences and arts; this is why I really like the opportunity made possible by Harvey-Mudd's Core Curriculum.
Using the word "core" might confuse the readers into thinking you're referring to the Common Core, which consists of math, science, and engineering courses. The curriculum is divided into three groups: Humanities/Social sciences, your major, and the Common Core, so referring to the curriculum as a whole would be more fitting. That isn't to say they won't know what you meant to write, but you should take it out just so that you don't seem like you've mixed up their terms.
I'd love to provide actual constructive feedback but I haven't started my first draft of this supplement, so I've been working on that lately. Good luck!
