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'I want to study Finance' - University of Illinois at Chicago


answers: 2
Oct 24, 2011, 02:59pm   #
The Prompt:
The personal statement is carefully considered in the admission selection process. This personal statement is an opportunity for you to tell us more about yourself. Explain any personal experience, responsibilities and/or challenges that have impacted you or your academic achievements. Please be as detailed as possible in your response.

My essay:
Even though there are many essays that the admissions at University of Illinois at Chicago has to read, I believe that each and every essay have something unique. I do have confidence that there is something interesting about myself.
I moved from China when I was 11 years old. Everything was different for me, the language, the people, and the environment. I didn't learn any English in China, so language was a huge block for me. Even though some of my classmates were very friendly, but for most of the times, I felt lonely and out of place. But I didn't surrender at that time. I went through a hard time to learn and blend in, and finally fit in verbally and culturally.
Before you read this essay, I think you already saw my transcripts. And you might be a little surprised at that dent in GPA during the first semester of my sophomore year. During that time, there was just so much pressure that I just want to give up on everything. My teacher came to talk to me, and the school called me. That was defined as the darkest period of my life. But as I thought to myself: what is the point of giving up if I'm still alive? I should make an impact to the world to be worthy of living. So I gathered myself, and tried my hardest second semester. Then I proved with my action when my semester GPA jumped from 1.715 to 3.667. I became stronger and more mature.
I begin studying Business related course my junior year. I've never been clear about what I want to do when I'm older, but as I study more into Accounting and other Business related courses, it just hits me: I want to study Finance. I'm passionate about studying Finance and everything related to it because I want to help people. Money is one of the biggest problems in the United States. People need advice from someone who is experienced in the Finance area so they could keep track of their profits and loss. And that is what exactly what I want to do.
As you read this, I hope you don't categorize me as a typical person. I believe that I will react better than people who never experienced much in their life. Even though I still have flaws, but I can improve and I can prove that I can make an impact in University of Illinois at Chicago. Give me a chance and I can show with my action.

Even though some of my classmates were very friendly, [s]but for [/s]most of the times, I felt lonely and out of place.

Before you read this essay, I think you already saw my transcripts. And you might be a little surprised at that dent in GPA during the first semester of my sophomore year.

if there's a section for you to indicated any dents in your GPA, you should mention it there and not in this essay.
Money is one of the biggest problems in the United States. People need advice from someone who is experienced in the Finance area so they could keep track of their profits and loss. And that is what exactly what I want to do.
this is a good line, it explains why you want to study business
As you read this, I hope you don't categorize me as a typical person. I believe that I will react better than people who never experienced much in their life. Even though I still have flaws, but I can improve and I can prove that I can make an impact in University of Illinois at Chicago. Give me a chance and I can show with my action.
I recommend that you considering writing this as if it were a story and less like a letter. For example, instead of I hope you don't categorize me as a typical person. Maybe say something along the lines of: I'm not a typical personal because of my previous experiences.
You could also elaborate on your hardships and experiences and mention that your GPA was impacted
Oct 24, 2011, 06:26pm   #
Thank you hixtine^^
I will change those small errors.
For the lack of explanation, I kinda want to make this essay short and straight to the point, because I know that those admission people are not willing to look at essays that are too long.



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