Please briefly address the following topics in a short essay, not to exceed 1000 words. Please attach your typed essay to your completed application packet
What area of science research are you most interested in? Please relate this to a past personal or classroom experience.
What benefits do you hope to gain from a research internship?
I feel that certain parts of the essay, specifically the conclusion is a bit shaky. I'd appreciate any advice.
I did include a few parenthesis, only to generalize the particular location.
Once we become old enough to perceive and experience our surroundings, the true mentality of oneself begins to form. Our past experiences are what build our character, leading us into our desired path of life. I, myself wonder where this path begins. This trail leads so far back that I don't know where or how it began. What I do know is how I am going to live the rest of my life on this path, continuing on, until this vigorous hurdle is completed. Medical Science has always been the drive that keeps me going. Its what helps me work hard in school, its what helps me expand my horizons. Like many sciences, it is a difficult subject that takes years of education, practice, and determination to master. Medical Science is generally what I am interested in studying in college, but as a career I would like to be a Physician. Of course a career such as this requires countless hours of preparation, education and will power in order to be achieved, but I believe with the right mentality, anything is possible.
Many of my family members till this day wonder why I am interested in Medical Science and why would I continue on to be a Physician. My parents tell me its what I've always said when I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Growing up, many different people and experiences have influenced me. Throughout most of my early childhood, my grandmother was always ill. She was always in bed, and rarely was up on her feet. She had cancer, and eventually one day, she couldn't fight it anymore. My family for this reason thinks I've become interested in medicine, to prevent diseases such as cancer from happening. When I think back, my life has revolved around this idea of me becoming a doctor. I believe this has molded me into a character suitable to be successful in the future, ready to tackle down any obstacle. As of now the next major obstacle is college and how I will get accepted.
Experiences are what build a person from the ground up. With more experience, a wider variety of social and mental conflicts can be solved. With your program I wish to gain experience in the field of science. Actually working in a research facility will expose me to every single aspect of working hands-on when conducting experiments. Of course there are other benefits beyond my own personal interests, such as building up my college application. With the competitive acceptance process of every college, it's always best to stand out. Adding internship experience on my college application will show the university how involved I am, not only inside my school but also outside in the community. As a wise man once said, a well-rounded person is one that can be successful in any environment. This phrase has been molded into my personality, allowing me to absorb every aspect of the outside world. This is evident in how I currently live my life.
Hobbies and extracurricular activities are what I believe define a person. Your likes, dislikes are shown in what you do with your spare time. I myself am very active and involved in my community. I participate in sports (Cross Country); I am an active volunteer at my church and love to help out where ever I can. I've volunteered at many places including the (city) Food Bank, (location) Assisted Living for Seniors, (church name) Parish Hall, I've prepared meals for Stand Up for Kids (an association that feeds homeless children) and many others. Personally, I have a very serious attitude when faced with work and school, and a rather vivacious personality when socializing and participating. I love being outdoors, whether that being at the beach surfing, or riding a bike down suburban roads. Every aspect of nature amazes me and keeps me interested in the world we live in. I am very attentive to my environment. I always stay up to date with the latest news from the New York Times and Associated Press. I love discussing politics and other controversial issues that are happening in our country. I have received a handful of awards, most of which have been for my good grades, but I have also received others based on my athletic ability & involvement with the Cross Country Team. In your program I hope to use every single one of my abilities to the fullest degree.
A lot is going to happen over the next few years. It's hard to believe that my High School career is coming to an end. SAT's, College Applications, AP Exams, are all enough to drive a man insane, but it's apart of moving on to bigger and better things. Your internship sounds like an amazing opportunity to not only gain experience in the field of science, but also to help me grow as a person. In fact, just by applying to this program, I've already gained some experience writing resumes and cover letters! Opportunities such as this one do not happen every day, that is why when opportunity knocks it is best to see how it can benefit you. The lifetime experience I have gained has molded me into an individual suitable for reaching success. There is a long road ahead of me, and its up to me to choose the right path for my future. The hard work and determination that I am willing to put forth is not an effort that you will be disappointed with.
Again I feel like this essay is not perfect, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. I really want this internship.
"I, myself wonder where this path begins. This trail leads so far back that I don't know where or how it began."
You can change into something like this: "I wonder where this path begins, the trail leads so far back, I am curious to know where it started"
"What I do know is how I am going to live the rest of my life on this path"
Maybe try: What I do know, is how I am going to continue to live on this path.
"continuing on, until this vigorous hurdle is completed."
I feel this is unnecessary, I think you should go on directly the next sentence.
"Medical Science is generally what I am interested in studying in college, but as a career I would like to be a Physician."
I am interested in studying Medical Science in college, although as a career I would like to be a Physician
For the second paragraph I think you should start with this sentence: "When I think back, my life has revolved around this idea of me becoming a doctor." Is strong and sets the tone for the rest of the paragraph.
"Throughout most of my early childhood, my grandmother was always ill. She was always in bed, and rarely was up on her feet. She had cancer, and eventually one day, she couldn't fight it anymore. "
She was battling cancer, and eventually one day, couldn't fight it anymore.
As I continue reading, I feel you have a strong ideas and sentences, you just need to edit it, its repetitive and you should take some sentences off, you should be direct and to the point. I feel your passion and I hope you get that intership!
