Hello, I was wondering if anyone could help me out with my essay with grammar/structure check? I think it's good enough to send out but can you spot anything that needs changing?
This is the prompt: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
Strength is the most agonizingly difficult traits that I have ever strived to posses. It's not something that can be seen, measured or even be depend upon. Strength can be there one second and then abandon you the next when things turn for the worst. Despite this, by facing life's numerous trials and hardships with my head held high, I've been rewarded with my own personal Vires. My strength shines through me mentally, physically and through my own fears.
Learning has never been something easy for me, not that I would ever use that as an excuse. I play with the cards life dealt to me. Despite my difficulties, I was never satisfied with easy classes that handed out passing grades; I've chosen to take the harder route because I know I'll come out a better person. The Advance Placement courses have in fact made me stronger mentally and I feel that I'm already in a college mindset. Yes, they're heavy on work and stingy with A grades but I wouldn't trade it for any other type of class. These classes have been the most fascinating and practical learning experiences I've ever had and I know I can handle anything college throws at me because they've toughened me up mentally.
When it comes to physical strength, tennis has always been able to push my limits. I've played numerous matches that lasted from when the sun was in the center of the sky, till the floodlights came on and the mosquitoes pricked away at my sweaty flesh. A word like "agony" could never fully encompass what it feels like to play to the point where your body starts shaking in pain but eventually gives away to a numb floating sensation. It's torture but it's the kind of torture I've spent years training for by running, lifting weights and practicing. My physical strength is what helps me push on and keep running till the very last point.
Strength, most people find out sooner or later, is a very fickle trait. One moment you can be strutting around with your chest puffed out and your chin held high and the next, you can be cowering under the covers. Everyone has their moments of strength and weakness but not everyone has the ability to admit when they're scared. I can honestly tell you that I'm terrified before every tennis match, I get nauseous at the thought of standardized testing and my pulse quickens when the word "shark" is mentioned. However, my fears only make me stronger because I don't allow them to control me. Each tennis match I let go of my fear of failure and give it my all no matter what happens. I study my hardest for tests and face them with as much confidence I can muster up despite my anxiety. When it comes too sharks, I faced my fear by scuba diving in a shark tank at the Florida Aquarium and never again did I fear sharks the way I used too. So, although I may not show my inner strength all the time because fear conceals it, I'm proud of how I've always manage to face them head on. After all, isn't that strength at its purest form?
Yes, they're heavy on work and stingy with A grades but I wouldn't trade it for any other type of class . These classes have been
Try to look for a synonym
I faced my fear by scuba diving in a shark tank at the Florida Aquarium and never again did I fear sharks the way I used too.
you might change the second for "them"
I am not sure about this one: I play with the cards life dealt to me.
maybe you can ommit it
After that I think it is a great essay with really good tone and personal experiences make it unique to you.
Camilo, I hope you read my essay "checkmate"
