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UVA: Equality (Favorite Word and why?)


donkeykong98732 /  
Dec 22, 2010   #1
Favorite Word and why?

Body cut open, with crimson blood splattered everywhere, the surgeon prowls carefully inside the body on the table. With a smile, the surgeon quickly, but delicately makes incisions here and there, showing the countless experiences he has had with surgical procedures. A few hours pass and the skin flaps are sewn back up and the area is bandaged. Now the patient can go on to live normally again.

When surgeons open up a body to perform surgery, they instantly know what and where to look for whatever is causing problems. This goes to show that although ...

Help! Thanks in advance! (:
RyanVi16 12 / 91  
Dec 23, 2010   #2
Just a thought, so you mean "inside" literally, like your organs? Well, to tell you the truth, people's organ are actually different: the size of organs and blood type. That's why if the doctors want to perform organ transplant, there must be a match.

But I like your "literal" comparison, it actually took me by surprise there.

Good luck!
OP donkeykong98732 /  
Dec 23, 2010   #3
EDIT:
I fixed my essay.. I realized that what I wrote up there was a bit off. haha. Made minor changes. Please correct/help/give me suggestions! Thank you all in advance!

When surgeons open up a body to perform surgery, they instantly know what and where to look for whatever is causing problems. This goes to show that although everyone may look different on the outside, we are all the same on the inside.

This "sameness" has a name, and it is equality. As an aspiring future Pediatric Neurosurgeon, I have to realize that surgeons must uphold and preserve equality in their occupations. Whether it is the young or the old, everyone should have an equal chance to receive help. I strive to serve all populations because we are all created equally, even though we are not economically equal. My future education at the University of Virginia will help me achieve my goal of serving everyone as a Pediatric Neurosurgeon.

Equality is and has always been my favorite word because it keeps me thankful for my life in America, where in the words of Thomas Jefferson, "all men are created equal."
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 3, 2011   #4
...instantly know what and where to look for whatever is causing problems.---what did not quite fit.

This is excellent! It is powerful, because the first few words really catch the reader's attention. I challenge you, though, to find a way to show a litle more about what you have already been studying pertaining to the work of a Pediatric Neurosurgeon. Cite some articles, or mention some current issues faced by physicians with your specialization.

:-)
kisskill16 3 / 8  
Jan 3, 2011   #5
I really like this. The sentence: "I strive to serve all populations because we are all created equally, even though we are not economically equal" is slightly awkward.

Maybe try: "I strive to serve all populations, because we may not be economically equal, but we are all created equally and deserve the right to equal care.

Answer mine?


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