This is my personal statement for usc transfer majoring in communication. I'm not sure how to conclude my essay so the conclusion is not finished.
Did I answer the essay question throughly and clearly?
and please help me on grammar!
ANY suggestions are appreciated!
Question:
USC's speaker series "What Matters to Me and Why" asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered, and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.
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It has been 19 years since I came out of my mother's womb.
With one forth of my life slipped away unwittingly, I had an epiphany. I finally understand that time is one of the scarcest resources in a human life, and I need to make the most out of it. The only way to do live my life to the fullest is to spend my time on things that matters to me the most. Socializing with friends and playing Wii are definitely not bad ways to spend some of the time on, but those are not my priorities. What matters to me the most are knowledge and critical thinking.
I see knowledge as one of the most important part in my life, but this idea has not been apparent until I enter college. Back when I was a high schooler, I brought the typical thought injected by the Hong Kong educational system with me to America, that the grades are the only things that matter. Students in Hong Kong strain themselves over tests because they have been told that the scores are what determine their future. Parents pay big bucks for tutor centers to teach their kids how to earn points from exams, and students jumping over a building due to overwhelming stress are not uncommon phenomena. At that time, I believed that the sole reason for going to school is for that piece of paper we acquire when we graduate that tells our future employers we qualify for a job. Even my dad told me what I thought was wrong, but I was stubborn and thought he was being unrealistic. That idea was finally overthrown when I became a college student. Studying in a college has changed my view towards the world. I had an opportunity to discover fascinating subjects that was not available from high school. The knowledge I gain from all the different classes has shaped my perspective, and truthfully, I loved every moment of it. I became aware that learning new things could give me immense joy. I begin to feel like a humongous sponge absorbing every bit of information I could from my education. Even though there are discouraging times, I still feel that the whole experience as a college student is exciting and empowering.
To learn is one of my driving force, and to think is another essential element I put value on. During my two years as a college student, I realize that knowledge and critical thinking are two inseparable elements. Withholding information does not justify a person as a thinking being, and I witness that a lot with many friends I still have from Hong Kong. Most of them do not give a care in what they are studying. Their only goal is to memorize anything they could from the book with or without the mean of understanding the material. I do not want to become a robot that could only mumble out information but not understanding what they mean or what they are use for. I strive on questioning for credibility (at a moderate level) because that is how you find out if the information you gain is logical or not.
Here is my formula: Input knowledge, store it, use critical thinking as the process system, and the output would be logic and good reasoning, which are what I would like to think as a good investment of my time.
hello
why do you want to use this sentence?? "since I came out of my mother's womb."
you can use better sentences...such as: since my eyes have seen the sky, have seen my mother's smile,,, whatever,,,... etc
I see knowledge as one of the most important partsinof my life, but this idea has not been apparent until I entered college. Back when I was ahigh schooler , ... YOU CAN say :During my high school ...
I was stubborn ?!!! you can use formal and possitive words instead...
I do not want to become a robot that couldcan only mumble out information but not understanding what they mean or what they are use for and do not understand what they mean or what they ...?!! {what do you mean by THEY ARE USE FOR? do you mean THEY ARE USED FOR}
During my two years as a college student, I realized that ...
you can say that:During the two years of college
fascinating subjects that was not available fromat high school.
I beginbegan to feel like a humongous ...
well, you need more time working on your writing, good luck
Thank you so much for your reply!!
I will work on those mistakes. Yes the first sentence seems to e unnecessary, I wrote it that way because I was listening to a song and got that idea from the lyrics.. hahaha I think I will delete it
Anyone else?? please help me on this I really need some more advices!!
With one fourth of my life having slipped...
The desire to learn is one of my driving for ces, and the ability to think critically is another essential element I value.
I like your formula!!
...logic and good reasoning, which represent are what I would like to think as a good investment of my time.
