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why usc? essay, already submitted but considering re-using basic topic


jjadventure 1 / -  
Jan 21, 2013   #1
I scan the people that have come to the meeting. As my eyes flick from person to person, I look beyond what lies on the outside and recognize the layers that encompass each of these individuals. My goal as the head of the team is to peel back these layers and keep the people motivated and passionate. As the meeting begins, I grasp each of their personalities and abilities and I mentally begin to craft a game plan that will channel their best work. With several such leadership roles under my belt, I have been exposed to management of this basic form and I am inspired by the people I work with to pursue it at USC. Marshall's business program appeals to be because it is versatile in nature and will equip me with the diverse skills required to adequately respond to the needs of industry and the world. The experiences and education I will receive and the connections I will make at USC will guide me to become the positive change I want to be for the modern-day, globalized business world.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 18, 2015   #2
The latter part of your essay that truly deals with the reasons you consider USC the university for you is the only part of this essay that actually answers the prompt. You provided a greatly revealing insight into the academic world of USC that attracted you to put yourself up for consideration as a student at the college during the upcoming term. Now, in all statements of this type, you are required to balance your academic reason with your social or extra curricular reasons. If you immediately start the essay with the academic reason and delete your long winded and irrelevant opening statement, you will have enough word count available to present the social and extra curricular reasons you decided to approach the university. That will balance the statement by giving a balanced point of view for considering USC your school of choice. By the way, don't forget to proof read your essay for grammatical errors during your revision. I found one error that needs to be corrected:

Marshall's business program appeals to be because it is versatile in nature

- ... appeals to me because...


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