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uofi professional goals essay


isabelle2010 1 / -  
Oct 2, 2009   #1
Being born in Congo, Africa, I witnessed the many worst ongoing humanitarian crises and the horrible reality that followed: I saw a lawless, criminal, corrupt state with inefficient businesses, huge inflation and very low living standards, when even buying a new pair of shoes was a big event that, like a birthday, would come only once a year. For example; When I was about 10years old in Congo

I was left to help my neighbor who was pregnant. Her husband worked as a farmer and had left for work that day and would return from work at six in the evening. "it's time" I heard her yell at about three in the after noon. We had no phone around or any type of transportation to get o the hospital, so she had no choice but to give birth in her own home, as I watched her struggled for about two hours, I realized that I was the only help she had. I witnessed the birth of her beautiful baby girl who was named after me, I realized that there are more to be done to help women and babies in our society to help them stay healthy.

Being such an intimate witness to the struggle the woman's life, it left me with a deep sense of human fragility. I realized that the human body is so very intricate and beautiful in its complex delicacy. Working closely with doctors, studying medical texts, and nursing the little girl gave me my first taste of medicine. I took many medical classes to help me .I also devoted much time and helping my community.

Later this became my career goal: becoming an OB-GYN in a hospital that will focus on improving people's lives in none developed countries from experiences that I had. I consider studying with diverse people to be a great practice for my leadership and team-building skills. Also, it gives me advantage with its variety of different teaching methods from other students. This will help me be more flexible and learn how to work with different methods of information delivery especially in medical fields.

how can i correct this
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 2, 2009   #2
The content is really very good. You just need to polish the grammar. Here's some revision to get you started:

Being born and raised in the Congo, Africa, I witnessed the many worstmany horrible ongoing humanitarian crises and the horrible reality that followed: I sawunfolding in a lawless, criminal, corrupt state. The economy of this state was marred by inefficient businesses, huge inflation and very low living standards, to the point that, for many citizens,when even buying a new pair of shoes was a big event that, like a birthday, would come only once a year.
alalaprincess 2 / 8  
Oct 2, 2009   #3
I think you should add to your ending. Its not as powerful as your beginning.
But other than that, it was really good!


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