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I'm introverted - shy, often quiet in class, and like to be alone


Hunter95 1 / -  
Oct 27, 2013   #1
The essay topic is: Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you.

My essay so far:

Something that goes unnoticed in my life but is important to me is how leaders seek my opinion in various situations. The best adjective to describe myself would be introverted. I am shy, often quiet in class, and like to be alone; any of my teachers, friends, or family would agree. I appreciate when a teacher or another student asks for my opinion since I am quiet. It makes me feel like I have a purpose in the classroom and also makes me feel that my opinion matters to others. It is to me feel important, although they are unaware when asking, is that they know how hard I work towards being a role model student and person. I would like to think this assumption is accurate, I feel rather boastful and the verse James 4:16 states that, "As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil." However, I have had multiple reassurances that it is not boasting by my family and teachers. It makes me feel redeeming when a teacher tells me that they are so happy that I am in there class and how good of a student I am. One teacher in particular showed how good of a student I am that she actually called my parents on a Saturday just to thank me. My parents, along with myself, were amazed that a teacher would take the effort and time to make a phone call just to thank me, and on a Saturday! This is one of the examples that makes me strive to become a better person everyday. I know that my opinion goes unnoticed by most, but when a teacher cares about their students and wants to see them succeed, it is one of the most important things in my life and I am grateful to have some if not the best teachers who understand how important it is to ask for my opinion and get me involved in the communication in the classroom since I am such a quiet person. I will always be thankful for those teachers who care.

I would be grateful to anyone for their helpful suggestions. Thanks!
wolflover60 2 / 4  
Oct 29, 2013   #2
I know that my opinion goes unnoticed by most, but when a teacher cares about their students and wants to see them succeed, it is one of the most important things in my life and I am grateful to have some if not the best teachers who understand how important it is to ask for my opinion and get me involved in the communication in the classroom since I am such a quiet person.

This is a really long sentence that seems to ramble on. I think you could split it into a couple of sentences to make your point more clear.

Also I don't think you should start your essay with the restatement of the prompt. Try to creatively introduce the subject rather than using the same wording as the prompt.

It is to me feel important,

I don't know what you're trying to say here.

I would also look over the grammar for the essay. You're missing a lot of commas and I think you should vary the sentence structure more.


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