I havent wrote an essay in a while .Can someone Please help me with my college application essay. I just need someone look at it to see how is it so far/ (500 words)
Thank you :)
4) 4) Write your own question and respond to it. Please be sure to tell us why you think this essay represents you well. Who has had the greatest influence on your life and How ?
My name is -----------, I have applied to your college and I would like to tell you how I've matured into the person that I am today . There are many things in life that have taken accountability for my formation , whether they are life experiences, people that have influenced me, or even just lessons others have taught me . They have all helped me in one way or another . I believe that I have experienced and accomplished many goals in life that others of my age have not .
The most influential person in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me. When reflecting on personal influences in my life, no one has had a greater impact than my Uncle Raymond. He is and always continues to be a positive role model to me. He always their when I am at the bottom of my game, always backing me up on decisions I make even though I don't usually chose the wisest path to take. He encourages me to stand up tall and get back on my own feet. My uncle has a huge impact on the way I become a person today. He has influenced my life by teaching me the lessons and showing me the right behaviors from wrong . No matter what I do and when I need advice on what to do , I can always count on my uncle .He has exerted real influence on me to change me . I know that much of what I am today is due to him. He has played a big role throughout my life .
Throughout my life , My Uncle Raymond has been giving me the confidence in becoming a great basketball player like himself . He wasn't only just my uncle he was ''My Coach". Even though he lived in New Jersey and I live in New York , He would always pick me up to play against better competition or even just to work on my game . He also treated me like his own son , I would sleep over his house and attend basketball camps within the area with my two younger cousins. . Last Summer , Although I was working for the National Park Service I also managed time throughout my schedule to help him coach his Junior high school basketball team . My uncle made me realize how much fun it is to coach kids .
you are not " formed" better to use " for you growth and development".
The most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me. When reflecting on personal influences in my life, no one has had a greater impact than my Uncle Raymond. He is and always continues to be a positive role model to me. He is always there when I am at the bottom of my game, always backing me up on decisions I make even though I don't usually choose the wisest path . He encourages me to stand up tall and get back on my own feet.My uncle influenced my personality and made me a person that I am today. He has taught me various lessons of life, shown me the difference between the right and wrong behaviour and motivated me to pursue these lessons.Whenever I need advice , I can always count on my uncle .He has exerted real influence on me to change me . I know that much of what I am today is due to him. He has played a big role throughout my life .
( write something new) He understands me very well , knows my strengths and weaknesses and always tries to convert my weaknesses into my strengths. He has enlightened me with the real world situations and how to deal with them.The appropriate behaviour in the society , that I needed, was also instilled by him.
Thank you for your help
It is a run on sentence at the start.
My name is -----------. end the sentence, and start a new one. I have applied ...
Please be sure to tell us why you think this essay represents you well.--When they say this, I think it indicates that they want you to write a sentence that tells them specifically why the essay represents you well. Use those words somewhere near the end.."This essay represents my..."
In the last paragraph, you shouldn't capitalize the word "my."
You can improve the essay if you get very specific about your aspirations and goals... and show how these are related to his influence.
:-)
Thank you for your help :)
Please be sure to tell us why you think this essay represents you well.--When they say this, I think it indicates that they want you to write a sentence that tells them specifically why the essay represents you well. Use those words somewhere near the end.."This essay represents my..."
do you think thats enough to answer this question?
This essay represents me well because it discusses how my uncle has became an influenced my life that has shaped me into the person I am today. He has also inspired me to become interested in Sports Administration
This essay represents me well because it discusses how my uncle has became an influenced has become an influence in my life and shaped me into the person I am today. He has also inspired me to become interested in Sports Administration.
I fixed an error and put a period at the end.
But yes, I think this is what Susan had in mind. It makes it very clear to the reader that you are responding respectfully to the prompt.
