UNC Professor Barbara Fredrickson - an expert in positive emotions - has defined love as "micro-moments of connection between people, even strangers." Tell us about a time when you experienced a "micro-moment of connection." What did you learn?
any comments especially grammatical things help!
I was probably eight or nine years old at the time, it was the first time I had every traveled on an airplane or even out of the country. I headed to Colombia, South America to a place so unique from anything I had yet experienced. It was four hours out of the two months I spent there, visiting relatives I did not know existed, that I experienced one of these "micro-moments of connection".
I spent four hours at a catholic school for girls; this experience affected me in a way that I did not understand at the time. The school in general was run down. There was not even a cafeteria! Just small concession stands where the students could buy their food, and those who could not afford it had to starve until returning home. This was so different from our schools in North Carolina. I remember thinking, as a naïve eight year old would, why the school could not just give out its food free.
After touring the school my sister and I walked outside to where our aunt was waiting with huge plastic bags full of clothing for the girls. As soon as we walked back holding the bags, too big for our arms, kisses, hugs and blessings bombarded us. My English teacher once said, "You need at least twelve touches a day to feel loved". Well on this day I felt more than love, I truly felt connected to these girls in a way that as an eight year old I never had. The students became alive saying that we were their favorite people in the world, that they loved us, that we were their saviors. All we had done was bring in clothes for them, their reaction made me feel like I could change their lives.
This experience is one of the most positive moments in my life. When I was younger this moment was what I considered the best part of the trip, now I see that not only was it one of the best moments but it is something that I can take with me for the rest of my life. I found out that something that I thought was small could change someone's day, his or her week, and maybe even his or her life. After this revelation it has lead me to understand and connect with people. I try to help anyone, by maybe holding the door, complementing someone, or just simply hearing what someone has to say. Doing this has taught me that doing the simplest things can change someone's mood for the better. This is the reason I want to major in political science; so I can one day help those who cannot help themselves.
I really like the essay topic! It is full of lots of good content!
-I was probably eight or nine years old at the time, it was the first time I had every traveled on an airplane or even out of the country. FRAGMENT
- to Colombia, South America to a place so unique from anything I had yet experienced. clarity needed
- It was four hours out of the two months I spent there, visiting relatives I did not know existed, that I experienced one of these "micro-moments of connection". the first part of this sentence is not adding anything to your essay but the second part is. i would work on fixing the first half so that it relates more to your topic.
-i would start a new paragraph with "the school..."
-I truly felt connected to these girls in a way that as an eight year old I never had i would edit the last part of this sentence for more clarity
-I really like the end of your essay. i would work on integrating the last sentence more into your essay. I feel like the last sentence has just been thrown in there
I hope that wasnt tooo harsh! there are still tiny errors that i think you can find and fix but good luck!
Sarita, your essay is quite confusing in terms of time relevance. Don't confuse the issue by mentioning that you spent 2 months at one place then 4 hours at another. The expectation when you do that is that you will be discussing two places instead of only one. Revise the introduction of your essay to cover only the introduction to the two hours that you spent at the Catholic school. Concentrate on describing how you felt and what you learned during that time. That seemingly microsecond of exposure to this school that opened your eyes up to a world of differences. Do not use the current introduction you have because it creates a disconnection with the rest of the essay. If you wish to, you can start with what is now your second paragraph as your introductory paragraph. It is more direct to the point and thus, hooks the reader onto the content of your essay sooner.
