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UConn Transfer Admission Essay- regarding academic goals and reasons for leaving


mkem100 1 / -  
Jun 2, 2010   #1
Hello everyone!

I have just completed my first year of college and am about to apply to transfer to the West Hartford Regional branch of the University of Connecticut.

For the essay the topic was:

"Please include a thoughtful commentary on your academic goals and an explanation of reasons for leaving your present/most recently attended college, and for wanting to attend the University of Connecticut."

As this is my first draft any commentary and suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

The study of the environment and finding solutions to environmental problems intrigues me. Since taking an AP Environmental Science in my senior year of high school, I realized, through my uncertainty of deciding what suited me, that being able to be a part of organizations like the EPA and help enforce laws like the Clean Air Act is what I want to do to do my part and make a difference in the world. So before applying for colleges, I knew that I needed to be in a university that would feed my craving for experimenting with every part of the natural and environmental sciences.

Roger Williams University contained the necessary steps I needed to take to reach my goal, but my lack of gumption and attraction to the other aspects of college life strayed me from what was truly important. The whole process of moving out of home to an unfamiliar area left me timid and unable to adjust to the rigors and responsibility that came with being a successful college student. I joined multiple clubs like chorus and inter class council in order to socialize and find a place where I could fit in. By using all my energy to finding a place socially where I would fit in, I only hoped to get grades in which my parents would be pleased with. My academic goals at this point weren't where they should have been. I now realize what I did wrong and how I have to go about fixing my mistake. My academic goal now is to not pile many classes together but to take less science courses a semester that way I can concentrate, in depth, on a specific science and how it is connected to the environment. I also want to be able to concentrate on fulfilling my pre-requisites for law school that way I can get closer to my goal of reducing the impacts of human activity on the natural environment.

Now as I go through the process of applying again, I realize what my mistakes were and what I need to do to go about fixing them. I believe by applying to attend the West Hartford branch of UConn, I will get the chance to work through my studies and not rely on the social aspect to keep me happy. Since I am also a resident of Connecticut, I will be able to commute from home which will give me the chance to learn time management, become more money conscience, and be around people who fully support me in my decisions.

Along with academic struggles, attending Roger Williams University was also a financial strain for my family due to the fact that I hadn't applied for financial aid or received any scholarships from the university. With a tuition of roughly $40,000 a year, I would need to apply for loans and go through the process of applying for fafsa countless times which only adds unneeded stress. My parents have three children, including myself, that they will be sending to college so by transferring to UConn West Hartford, it will relieve the financial burden on my parents and myself and allow not only financial ease, but a mental one too which'll help me focus all my energy on getting the high grades that I am capable of getting.

Attending the University of Connecticut, West Hartford branch, will give me the means to excel personally and academically. I want to be able to look in the mirror everyday and be proud of the woman I am and I feel that UConn will give me that gift.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jun 4, 2010   #2
Since taking an AP Environmental Science in my senior year of high school, I realized through my uncertainty of deciding what suited me, that being able ...

I crossed out a part that does not seem to make sense.

...to be a part of organizations like the EPA and help enforce laws like the Clean Air Act is what I want to do to do my part and make a difference in the world. ---- and here I crossed out the do to do to do part. That was confusing! :-)

Sometimes you unnecessarily cram lots of words into the sentence:
what my mistakes were and what I need to do to go about fixing them.
or
what my mistakes were and what I need to do how to go about fixing reverse their effects.

:-)

The last paragraph is a little too dramatic, I think. It would be better if you wrote a clear and simple paragraph about your specific goals for the near and distant future -- and what prof's and resources at this school will help you to achieve them.


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