Hello, I finally gotten my second UC prompt, which asks: Tell us about a personal quality or experience that is important to you. What about this quality makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I'm afraid this one may be more vague than my last. Any edits/tips are appreciated. Thank you!
"No cause is lost if there is but one fool left to fight for it."
At that moment, I fell completely and inexplicably in love. Most would argue that almost all of Orlando Bloom's fan would share my sentiments due to his good looks and popularity. Yet, I was never drawn to his physical attraction before, albeit being handsome is an excellent quality to have, there are more pressing attributes I prefer to engage. You see, after watching Pirates: At World's End, I was not infatuated Orlando Bloom; I was taken with his character, William Turner because his words crystallized the essence of his nature, and I found it beautiful. Here was a man who was willing to literally fight against death to save a father who abandoned his family, simply because it was the right thing to do.
One of my personal qualities (quirks?) is that I place a huge emphasis on the value of morals, hence my tendency to fall in love with fictional men more often than tangible ones. Scripted, a character becomes an idea himself, representing his morals and concepts through varied acts of valor, kindness, or integrity that seems so natural, yet so rare. Thus, in movies and books, a character embodies a certain ideal or principle, displaying an unwavering resolve for a cause that exemplifies the true meaning of humanity. I fall in love with the concepts more than the man himself.
Being human is to vividly feel our passions while mediating them with reasoning. A healthy balance of both results in the creation and value of morals, commonly expressed through the way a person's eyes would light or dim with their emotions or the way their voice would tighten in rage in the moment of righteous anger.
Despite the various academic successes I've had, none of them gives me greater joys than the art of philosophy. Man is nothing without his values, for then he would end up as a mere repetition of motions. Without a cause, our life would be just as empty as our satisfaction. I am proud of this quality, because it gives me personal conviction that I speak the truth during the Lincoln Douglas debates, which deals with arguing the true meaning of morals and how they properly apply to any given scenario. My favorite philosophers: John Locke, Jean Jacques Rousseau, and Ralph Waldo Emerson may be able to define ambiguous emotions and concepts into words, but I on the other hand, have an innate feel for them, and fall in love with beautiful thoughts.
"No cause is lost if there is but one fool left to fight for it." check UC format on the UC website, because I read that you cant use quotes. Just go back and double check.
Most would argue that almost all of Orlando Bloom's fans would share my sentiments due to his good looks and popularity.
Yet, I was never drawn to his physical attraction before, albeit being handsome is an excellent quality to have, there are more pressing attributes I prefer to engage. I dont know if albeit is a word. Double-Check on that.
I was not infatuated Orlando Bloom; I was taken with his character... THis first part make it more clear, the use of grammer is not correct.
Being human is to vividly feel our passions, while mediating them with reasoning. LOve this sentence :)
A healthy balance of both, results in the creation and value of morals, commonly expressed...
Instead of I've write the whole word makes it more mature.
I speak the truth during the Lincoln Douglas debates, which deals with arguing the true meaning of morals and how they properly apply to any given scenario. This idea would be great and serve as an experience if you expand to it. Just a suggestion.
I like how your love for Orland Bloom went to your passion in life pretty unique. He is pretty cute, but the guy I am throbbing for right now is Taylor Lautner.
This is a unique essay! I loved the way you described what being human was about.
If I could suggest one thing, work on your conclusion a little bit more. like wrapping up. But I really liked your essay. I bet they havent seen anything like this before =)
Criticize my essay?
i agree with gynn92..this is a very unique essay and i loved ur orlando bloom start. i also think u need more work on the conclusion and that u shouldnt just mention and list those philosophers without elaborating more on them. i think u need to develop ur ideas more thoroghly. its a bit rushed to me. great topic nonetheless!
check mine? thanks!
Scripted, a character becomes an idea himself, representing his morals and concepts through varied acts of valor, kindness, or(and) integrity that seems so natural, yet (are) so rare.
Without a cause, our life(lives)would be just as empty as our satisfaction.
I think that the satisfaction part is redundant because you already said that our lives would be empty, and satisfaction is kind of the same thing.
Despite the various academic successes I've had, none of them gives me greater joys than the art of philosophy.
Since you're talking about "academic successes," maybe instead of calling philosophy an "art" you could call it a "study" or something that relates to academics? Just a thought.
Overall I thought it was a great essay, good luck!
Check my essay?
Thank you so much! I double checked on both and there was nothing mentioned about not being to use quotes on the application and google. Also Albeit is a word like although.
I'd love to expand, actually, I wanted to list more guys like sirius black and zack fair but my other essay is about 680 words so I'm a little strained for words. I might add a few sentences though. Thank you so much on the feedback though! (Lautner is really cute btw, I'm going to look up his movies now haha).
@gynn92: I really hope so! =D Thank you! And sure, I'll visit.
@channy: Thank you! Hmm develop the idea more? May I have an example please? XD
@Nosaga: Oh, I see. Thank you for the grammatical tips! I'll be happy to read yours. =D
1.0 Atrocious
10.0 Spectacular
4.9:
Your last paragraph does nothing but name drop and take a last second stab at the second part of the prompt. There are a few good sentences mixed in the middle two paragraphs; the first and last need major work.
Ooh, ouch. Haha thank you for being honest! I did write lots of bits and pieces and rewrite them to death. I'll look at that.
Just to be safe, can you rate my other UC prompt please? Just a rating will help. =D
