The trip to a football stadium turned out to be more than an exciting experience; Common app prompt

(Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?)

this is my first draft for this prompt. any help or feedback is greatly appreaciated. Tell me what you guys think about it

Standing in front of the iconic stadium felt nothing short of a miracle. The stadium is seen by many as the benchmark for top league stadia developments not only in Europe but in the world. Its design is a radical break from the traditions of the "English style" stadia. The Emirates Stadium is sublime and intimidating.

It was Boxing Day and Arsenal was matched up against Aston Villa. I entered the stadium using the tickets we have bought a month earlier. The view inside the stadium was just as amazing as the view outside if not better. The upper tier is contoured to leave open space and the roof is significantly canted inwards. These features are meant to provide as much airflow and natural light to the pitch as possible. The stadium also gives an illusion that supporters in the upper tier on one side of the ground are unable to see supporters in the upper tier opposite.

Fans started to fill in the stadium and 5 minutes before the start, the stadium was fully filled. The players were set on the field and as the referee blew the whistle, we, the fans let out a deafening roar. While the players plied their trade on the pristine pitch, the fans did what they do best. Acting as the 12th man in an 11 men game, we cheered nonstop.

The chants intensified as the game goes on. Seeing all the fans coming together and putting aside all their differences was extraordinary. A sense of belonging that I've been craving for so long was satisfied that day. The sea of white and red shirts in the stadium made me feel like I'm a part of something special.

Indeed, life works in a mysterious way. You could discover yourself in the most unexpected of places and time. That experience in the stadium left a big impact on my life. A trip to a football stadium that was meant to be an exciting experience turned out to be more than that. That was the place that shaped me into what I am today and what I aspire to be. That was the place where I found myself.

Yes it was a once in a lifetime experience for me, but the memories of the fans and the atmosphere that were implanted in my head will never be forgotten. Every time I need some confidence to do something, I will travel to that part of my mind and imagine myself being an Arsenal player and the fans are chanting my name. Every time I need a mood lift or just to relax, I will once again visit that part of my mind and recall the experience being among the fans and how they made me feel like I'm a part of the big Arsenal family. For others, the memory of watching a football game might just be another exciting experience but for me, the memory has created a special place in my mind; it is a place where I'm perfectly content.

CaptainCook, you need to revise the essay. You used more than half the page describing your trip to London instead of describing the way you felt upon arrival in the football stadium. In fact, after having read your essay twice, I have come to the conclusion that you totally missed or did not understand the requirements of the prompt. What you described in the essay is your experience of watching the game in the football stadium which has nothing to do with the place or environment where you feel content, your experience there, and its meaning to you.

Your essay vividly describes your experience going to the football stadium and what watching the game was like. It was an overall experience that you described. There was nothing in the essay that told me that you went to this place numerous times and always had the same feeling of contentment there. There was no real personal connection between you and the stadium that you visited only once in your life.

The best places to use for this type of essay should be a place more local that you frequent. Any place from your house,bedroom, a garden, park, local playground, library, gym, or any other place that you frequent in order to find a sense of calm, inner peace, or just to sort out your thoughts. I am sure there is a place or two in KL that you frequent wherein you feel these sentiments. I suggest you use those for a more connected and familiar feel to the way you write the essay.

In this essay, you sounded more like a tourist describing his first trip abroad and the places he visited there. Nothing more. That is not what the prompt requires. So you need to consider another place that you can use as the setting of your essay.

Thanks for the feedback.

I just wanna ask, is it necessary to pick a place that exist in real-time or it can be anything?

For example, my memory of the stadium/atmosphere that I try to recreate and visit every time I feel like I need some motivation

From what I've heard, read and been told, you can choose any place. It can be an actual place, your home, your favorite chair or your garden, etc. It could also be a travel destination or, as you've chosen, a venue for athletics, music, etc. Place is relative. Johns Hopkins released a list of selected essays from the Class of 2018, there are people who have written about their garage workshops or their time of peace in a day.

The place, from what I can tell, is not as important as how you describe it. What is even more important is why it is important to you and what impact does it have on you.

Cheers

CaptainCook,I agree with what TheRoy said, you can choose any place that you want, provided you frequent the place for a specific purpose. That of feeling happy, content, and complete. It can be any place nearby or far away. I have read essays where people have chose their minds as the place where they feel the most content and happy. I know that it seems unbelievable but it is true. Some people actually run away to a peaceful part of their minds when they want to feel inner peace. It is kind of finding a zen like place even when in a crowded and noisy area. So does it need to exist in real-time? Not exactly. It can be any place that you wish.

For example, you can use your mind as a unique place where you escape to. You can relate it to the trip to the stadium because you can explain that the stadium is a place where you escape to inside your mind. Explain how each time you remember the trip to the stadium, you feel content and happy because it was one of the best times of your life. Maybe you and your father bonded there. Or you discovered something new about yourself while watching the sport or talking to people. It can be that special place where you run to in your mind when you need to develop confidence or guts to do something you did not think you could do.

The above example is just one of the unique ways you can present a place when you feel comfortable and content. It also carries a very important meaning because your mind can take you anywhere you want to go as long as you have the imagination for it :-) I hope my suggestion helps.

The concept was really good, and yes, you have answered the question fairly. There were just some tiny grammar errors I with to inform you about :

1. The upper tier is contoured to leave open space and the roof is significantly canted inwards. These features are meant to provide as much airflow and natural light to the pitch as possible. The stadium also gives an illusion that supporters in the upper tier on one side of the ground are unable to see supporters in the upper tier opposite. - These sentences must be past tense according to the previous sentences. Change these or those, whichever you wish to.

2. the referee blew the whistle, we, the fans let out a deafening roar. - the referee blew the whistle we , the fans, let out a deafening roar

3. Yes it was a once in a lifetime experience for me, but the memories of the fans and the atmosphere - Though it was a once in a lifetime experience for me, the memories of the fans...

This is a unique abstract answer to a prompt that will normally have common answers. You took us on the adventure with you. Engaging all of our senses and then giving us a reason to believe that this would indeed be a unique place where you, a big football fan, would feel most content. It is almost as if you are telling us that this memory is enough to inspire you to always strive to be the best that you can be in everything that you do. That said, I would like to make some suggestions regarding grammar problems that need correcting below:


- You need to ease us into the scenario you are describing. Introduce the topic to us by restating the prompt. That way, when you slide into the description, we know the reason why you are recalling this particular event and place.


- ...tickets we had bought...


- ... to leave an open space... The stadiumgave an illusion... in the opposite upper tier .


- ... as the game went on.


- ... I was a part of something special.


- Expand upon this statement. You need to explain how you found yourself in that stadium. How did that happen? What did you learn about yourself during the experience? We need to get an idea and a clear understanding of why you said that.


- ... recall the experience of being among...

I hope the suggestions I made will make the essay more complete and satisfactory in your opinion. I feel that these changes are necessary to clean up the message of the essay :-)

Thank you guys! Really appreciate the feedbacks and suggested improvements :-)