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Traditional college experience; Common app transfer personal statement


jdb5697 1 / 1  
Nov 1, 2013   #1
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

Growing up I had always looked forward to having the traditional college experience. Cliché as it might be, I always thought that this experience was an important part of growing up. It was something I thought I need experience before entering the real world. So after I was accepted to Penn State, I thought there would be no better place to matriculate for my freshman year.

But after my first year at Penn State, I realized that this traditional experience was not something I truly wanted. It's not that I didn't find what I was looking for at Penn State; it was everything I expected it to be. I quickly became comfortable with the familiarity I found myself feeling in completely new place. The sense of community and social aspects of Penn State were similar to those that I had come to love growing up in a small town. But after a while things became too comfortable, too familiar, and I felt myself wanting something different and longing for a change of scenery.

It was not until I took a daytrip to New York City near NYU's campus during the summer after my freshman year did I realize that I had found what I was looking for. Being from nearby Bergen County I was no stranger to the landscape of a city, but this trip was unlike any other I had taken before. After being away at school for so long, the foreign feel of the city felt like a breath of fresh air that I desperately needed. It was at that moment I realized I would be better situated at a school in an urban environment.

Now all of this is not to say that I haven't enjoyed my time at Penn State, I have. I've met some exciting people and have had the opportunity to study under some great professors. But being accustomed to small town life for nineteen years I feel myself in need of a change. I originally felt comfortable at Penn State because it felt like home in a way. But I now feel like pushing myself toward the unfamiliar, exploring more diverse settings than can be found at Penn State or any other traditional college campus.

I know the last paragraph is a little weak and is something that needs a little more attention
hpark 2 / 2 1  
Nov 1, 2013   #2
I think its really good! It shows that you know what you want and that NYU is it!
Just a few suggestions:
1. The beginning two sentences are basically the same... I don't think that you need both! Delete one and then maybe use the extra space (if there's a word limit) to strengthen your closing paragraph.

2. Being from nearby Bergen County, I was no stranger to the landscape of a city, but this trip was unlike any other I had taken before.

Hope this helped! Please take a look at my essay!!
admission2012 - / 477 90  
Nov 1, 2013   #3
Hello,

I am assuming you want to transfer to NYU. If so, I want to point out to you that NYU is one of the most applied to schools in the nation because of its downtown NYC location. Because of this, you need to really strengthen this essay. All you pretty much say is I want to be in a big city. This is not enough to be accepted to a school like NYU. Why do you want to be in a big city? What resources are you looking to take advantage of? More importantly---why NYU or the school you intend to transfer to? - Admissions Advice Online

Hope this helps.
OP jdb5697 1 / 1  
Nov 1, 2013   #4
I agree that I should go more into what I am looking for in a city landscape. NYU also has a supplement that has more "why NYU?" question that can be addressed there


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