Throughout my past, I was not heading in the right direction; Texas State U

I am writing this essay for my admission to Texas State University. Someone tell me how I did?

Words: 512

Throughout my past, I was not heading in the right direction, nor had very many influential people to look up to. Many adults that I had come in contact with turned their backs on me when I would explain to them what I wanted to do with my life. They perceived that I was just a kid and didn't know what I was talking about. They had doubted my ambitions, crushed my hopes and dreams. This was a cycle that was constantly happening. I couldn't trust anyone. The only person I could count on was my older sister, Sarah.

Growing up, Sarah and I were and still are very close. We talked about and shared everything with each other. She supported my decisions and talked me out of the risky ones. She has always encouraged me to do my best; always pushed me to reach my goals. She's emotionally and physically supported me for years and I trust her with everything I have. No one else in my life could do what she does.

Sarah isn't just my sister; she is the one person I will owe all of my future success to. She has influenced me in countless ways and has never thought twice about letting me down. Sarah is the type of person that anyone would be lucky enough to have while growing up. She has put up with my stubbornness for the longest time. She is the person that I look up to the most.

After my first year of high school I started to slack off and thought everything in my future would come easy. I thought I didn't have to try on anything, that it was all a joke. My sister started to notice this and was worried about me. Over time she knew what was happening and took action. She whipped me into shape, explained to me that in order to have a successful future I had to get my head on straight and start working towards my goals, push myself to my limit. Seeing that she is usually right, I picked my grades up and got back on track. I started doing excellent in school and eventually knew I was on the right track.

I couldn't count the times that she has supported and drove me through the toughest of situations. She has gotten me through so much the past few years that I would not have been able to accomplish by myself, let alone anyone else in my life. Without her I would be on the same path that I was following after my first year of high school, I would still be the same ignorant person wanting everything handed to me on a silver platter. She has shaped my life in endless ways, forced me to scale the unmovable obstacles in my path, taught me to not worry about the past and focus on what lies ahead of me. My sister is the person that has made the biggest impact on my life and that's why she is the epitome of my being.

whats the topis question exactly?

I was not heading in the right direction, nor had very many influential people to look up to.--remove the comma..
She has always encouraged me to do my best; always pushed me to reach my goals.-- put an appropriate conjuction
She has always encouraged me to do my best and always pushed..
She's been emotionally and physically supported me for years..
Sarah isn't just my sister; she is the one person I will owe all of my future success to.
She whipped me into shape, explained to me that in order to have a successful future I had to get my head on straight and, start working towards my goals,and push myself to my limit...

Seeing that she iswas usually right, I picked my grades up..


This is a run-on sentence. Leave out a necessary conjunction in combining independent clauses. "Without her I would be on the same path that I was following after my first year of high school, and I would still...

She has shaped my life in endless ways, forced me to scale the unmovable obstacles in my path, and taught me to not worry about the past and focus..

Don't ignore the importance of conjunctions so that you will not lead to common sentence faults. I like how you describe "Sarah as an epitome of your being".. Just be careful in using pronouns because that may sometimes bring you to ambiguity. I appreciate it actually:)

Write about a person that has Impacted your life.

After I change those mistakes, do you think it will be ready to submit?

For my own opinion, you have discussed the topic well. . You have also achieved good organization of the ideas. With regards to grammar, you're good. There is clarity of what you are trying to explain. You know, as I read your essay, I was picturing out the character of your sister, and that is for me the most essential-- the capability to influence the readers. For me, it is already ok.

As much as possible minimize to begin writing your sentence with too much "Sarah is..., She is.., 'cause these make only readers tired reading your essay.

Good luck. Hope you will be admitted:)

.... really? that's too bad :(



I couldn't trust anyone, nor could I depend on.



... I don't get that part (in bold letters).... what do you mean by that?


It's good you told this through some example... Take an event that she stood by your decision which others thought it's too silly. Then bring this point out through that event.