Please help me. I am at 430 words but am at a loss on how to contribute these qualities to the BU community... I will crit back yours
Essay #1: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.
As a child, I would yelp as my cousins practiced their wrestling moves on me and threw me onto the ground. But I did not mind, much. For I knew one day, I would be stronger and tackle them to the ground. I realize now that my view of strength as a child only provided a one dimensional definition. When I started to train in the martial arts, I learned that strength did not necessarily mean physical power, but a mental one. Although I am not able to learn martial arts anymore due to my disability, this view of strength has continued with me. It has helped me become a leader that savors the moment of reaching the goal; to have the strength when times are tough are conquer any obstacle that gets in my way.
Perhaps the reason to my success is in the way I overcome my obstacles. Even as I am beaten to the ground, I will always get up and think of another way. My creativeness helps me think of these new problem-solving techniques. If traditional car washes do not appeal as much anymore, then we will hold a topless carwash behind a building (we only wash the bottom part of the car, people pay extra to wash the top half). The trick did wonders for people were jamming up traffic trying to get to our car wash.
Despite this need for fundraising, money does not play a huge role in my life. From volunteering with many children and the elderly, I learned that sometimes, all a person really needs is another person to be by their side, genuinely wanting to help-in short, caring. No amount of money grants can compete with the joy on a person's face as they find a willing listener to describe the tales of their youthful, mobster-hunting, lover-chasing days. This world needs to be taken care of, and the first steps for people to do is become aware of the horrendous events occurring throughout the countries and next, care enough to do something about it. I gave a presentation to my community about the need for education in the underprivileged areas of our city and encouraged them to volunteer. Because of this, our childcare program now thrives with dozens of new volunteers willing to help.
This world is filled with many questions and obstacles that need to be answered. I am assured that at Boston University, my fellow peers and I will bring together all our special talents and spend many fun-filled hours thinking up creative solutions to our world's troubles.
As a child, I would yelp as my cousins practiced their wrestling moves on me and threw me to the ground. But I did not mind -- much -- for I knew that one day (no comma necessary here) I would be stronger and able tackle them, too. to the ground.
...not necessarily mean physical power, but a mental one.-------you use power in 2 different ways here. I suggest this:
...not necessarily mean a physical power, but a mental one.
Yes indeed. And if you have experienced that sensation of energy being emitted from your hands, that tingling sensation that supercharges your body and enables you to feel the meridians as they are mapped out by Traditional Chinese Medicine, then you are ready for the practice of Qigong, which I am starting to think may just be the very most important thing we can do while alive. Google this: embryonic breathing yang jwing-ming
...get up and think of another way to approach my challenge .
Oops, obstacles don't need to be answered: ...many questions and obstacles to which we must attend.
Nice job!
