The essay option I chose is "Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?"
Please critique my essay. I would appreciate any advice or suggestions on what to change. Thank you!
When I think about my childhood, my sofa comes to mind. I remember distinctively the sofa I had growing up. The sofa used to be in the living room right in front of the television. It looked somewhat like the sofa the Simpsons have, except it was a mixture of a lot of colors-- brown, green and a bit of white. There were three seat cushions, which were perfect for adventures that awaited to begin and imagination that ran wild.
Ever since, I was born, my sofa has always been there. It might seem a little strange how a sofa can have such a strong impact on someone's life. But the sofa I had seemed like more than a sofa. It was more than furniture or a place to sit on and relax. It was everything and more to me. It was a boat, a fortress, spaceship, and most importantly-- an oasis. It was a place that made me perfectly content. When I was growing up, literally everything in my home was a hand me down. At the time, my parents could hardly afford anything, let alone furniture. So, my aunt gave my parents her old sofa. My parents accepted, considering my parents had a lot of money issues and problems. It was difficult for my parents to take care of both my sister and me, due to our closeness in age and lack of resources. The sofa my aunt gave was the first sofa we ever had. In the apartment, the sofa brightened up the place and gave the empty apartment with barely anything, a homey atmosphere.
It wasn't just this that made my sofa so significant in my life. When I was younger, my cousins would come over and play every day because their parents both had jobs. So, my mom would babysit them, while meeting the needs of me and my sister. My cousins, my sister, and me would do all sorts of things. The things ranged from something as simple as sitting on the sofa and watching television to something like jumping from the table to sofa to avoid the scorching hot lava.
The sofa I had growing up is without a doubt a part of me and it has affected who I am today. My sofa taught me many lessons and things, even though it might be shocking how an inanimate object can have such a great influence. It taught me how important and dependable family is. Even though, my family didn't have a lot of money, we had a lot of help and support from family members. Every time someone had a birthday or any special event, we would celebrate it together.
As I grew up and aged, so did my sofa. It became worn down and battered. Eventually, it was replaced with a brand new sofa. But even as my old sofa met its death, I still learned something that day. I learned that through perspiration and hard work, anything can be achieved(even though it sounds cliché). It took my parents six years to get a new sofa. The change from the old sofa to the new sofa showed me that the American dream was obtainable. When my parents came to America, they barely had anything, but now we have more than enough and are perfectly content.
awaited to begin and imagination that ran wild .
- ... to begin with my imagination running wild.
Ever since, I was born, my sofa has always been there
- Our family sofa had been there even before I was born.
a little strange how a sofa can have
...
that a sofa...
the needs of me and my siste r
- of
my sister and I .
My cousins, my sister, and me would do all sorts of things.
- ... my sister, and
Ieven though it might be shocking how an inanimate object can have such a great influence.
-
that is why it is shocking that an inanimate object has such a great influence on my life.The grammar is quite good for a non-native speaker. You have a very good grasp of the language but can still use some practice until you truly grasp the totality of the language and the word usage. I would like to make a suggestion, could you mention how the old sofa represented the goodwill and kind heart of all your supportive family members? I believe that would make a nice touch towards the end of the essay because it can reflect the physical contentment that you feel when you are with your family members :-) Does that work for you? I hope it does :-)
