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The thief. He was a friend... a teammate... but he is an enemy now. College Essay 1


aggieswaggie 1 / -  
Nov 25, 2014   #1
Describe a setting in which you have collaborated or interacted with people whose experiences and/or beliefs differ from yours. Address your initial feelings, and how those feelings were or were not changed by this experience.

The room is torn apart from top to bottom, let to right, and trashed beyond repair. I'm crying myself to sleep right after soccer practice. Four years of hard work and nothing to show for it. I'm laying there phoneless, friendless, and depressed. My phone was stolen not two hours before, during soccer practice. I knew exactly who stole it. He was a friend... a teammate... but now an enemy.

The person who stole my phone did not need it anymore than I did. He stole for personal gain, which I absolutely loathe of someone. To hurt another person for personal gain. Now, three years later, still without the phone, I'm friends with the guy and my eyes are now more open than ever. It showed me, this world will not hold your hand, and if you want to succeed in this society then you need to look like stone. My feelings went from shock to depression to anger to realization. This experience in the end actually helped me.

I do not agree with robbery or theft so it pains me every time I see it or hear about it. Some people believe if they need something more than the owner does, then they can just take it. No questions asked. Not me though, I believe you need to work hard to get the desired object. I believe theft is harmful to not just to the victim, but to the crook too.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Nov 25, 2014   #2
Aaron, the point of this essay is to show how you deal with racial, cultural, and social differences. Although your story was compelling, there was nothing in the narrative that related to the requirements of the essay prompt. You need to reflect further upon the requirements of the essay and how you can best present an answer. Did you ever experience such an event in your life? We have all experienced such an instance at one point or another in our lives. This could be an essay relating to religious differences, varying points of view about gender issues, a difference in upbringing, or anything that causes you to have a discussion, debate, or argument with another person because you believe in different things. Those are the kinds of issues often discussed in these essays and those are the answers that the admissions officer will be looking for. Unfortunately, your current essay does not fall under that heading.


Home / Undergraduate / The thief. He was a friend... a teammate... but he is an enemy now. College Essay 1
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