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Tell UoPeople a little bit about your village, city, region or country and what makes it unique.


hor 1 / 2 1  
Sep 15, 2014   #1
Hello, this is a 70-100 words statement. Can someone give me comments on the content, and my grammar issues. If possible is there other perspectives best suit this essay --Thanks

Batam island is a popular tourist destination in my country --Indonesia. Eventhough this island is very small, there are many interesting places for visitors to visit, such as; Ocarina Beach, Tanjung Pingir Beach, and Barelang Beach. Swimming on these beaches are safe. Another fascinating feature is the live seafood and local fresh fruits, at fair prices from local stores and restaurants. Accomodations are also very convenient, several hotels provide nice sceenary and panorama view of neighbor country -- Singapore. These remarkable features make my city a famouse place for people who come here. (92 words).
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Sep 15, 2014   #2
While you presented a very interesting overview of your island, I believe that you could have told people more about your village if you had concentrated on only the best feature of your island, the people itself. Describe the friendliness of the people. Being a tourist destination, how can people who visit expect to be treated upon their arrival? Are the locals friendly? Warm? Hospitable? What is the unique character trait of the people from your island that would make tourists come back to it?

The reason that I suggest this is because tourists often say that the most interesting and unique part of their travel comes from meeting and mingling with the natives of the island. So if you discuss that within 100 words, I am sure that you will be able to not only describe your island as you did in this version of the essay, but you will be able to paint an accurate picture of the uniqueness of your island :-)

I would suggest that you revise your essay content-wise before we more on to highly minimal grammar and sentence structure issues in the paper. Make this the best it can be in terms of content and everything else will fall into place :-)
OP hor 1 / 2 1  
Sep 15, 2014   #3
Thanks for your guidance, your time and efforts. This is the second draft, please help whether any unnecessary point to cut or any description to make it shorter as the words count is over the limitation allowed

Batam island is a popular tourist destination in my country --Indonesia.

The local people always show great hospitality on guests' arrival with a friendly smile and warm welcome by saying: Selamat-datang, while on departure: Terima-kasih, Selamat-tinggal, Sampai-ketemu will be used. Mean: Thank you for visit, well-leaving, and see you again, followed by pleasant smile makes people comfortable.

Even though it is small island, there are many interesting places to visit, such as: Ocarina Beach, Tanjung-Pingir Beach, and Barelang Beach. Swimming on these beaches is safe. Accommodation is very convenient. Nice scenery and Panorama-view of Singapore from this island is great. Also live seafood and fresh fruits is in affordable price.

These features make my city a famous place for visitors to enjoy. (122 words)
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Sep 15, 2014   #4
hor, let me see how I can help you take the word count down :-)

-I come from Batam Island in Indonesia. It is an island known for hospitable people whose friendly smile and warm greeting of "Selamat-datang" upon arrival or "Selamat- tinggal" upon departure to see the guests off. It is this kind of jolly atmosphere that makes the accommodations and swimming in our beaches very safe.The fresh seafood and fruits are also a major food attraction. Tourists also get a unique viewing experience during their visit. A view of neighboring Singapore from our beaches.

- The word count is now down to 81 and nothing was lost in translation :-)
OP hor 1 / 2 1  
Sep 16, 2014   #5
This is an amazing idea as everyone will agree that a view of neighboring Singapore is best only from our beaches. Definitely true. Thanks for your sensible suggestion.


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